There and Back Again
by AmoChan8878
Summary: Things begin and end in the same place. Sometimes, what someone tells you has little meaning until you hear it again years later. Spoilers for L's name and for Another Note
1. Discovery

January 21, 2004

In a maximum security psychiatric hospital, a man crouched on the floor of his cell. He'd been drawing again, the same two faces he always drew. The faces of the two most important to him. Chalky residue from the pastels smudged his own face and hands. He was almost finished, he felt he had to be. Something about today felt strange to him, off somehow. And yet, he couldn't quite put his finger on _why_ he felt that way. Could it have been her letter? He felt his lip curve into a half smile. No, it wasn't her letter. Her letters only brought happiness and a small touch of regret. She was visiting again next month. She was the only visitor he was allowed. Well, her and once..._he_ came. But, he didn't want to think about that man, that face. There was the soft sound of footsteps in the hall. That would have been one of the doctors. The ones that were supposed to make him "sane". He chuckled to himself. They'd stopped trying long ago with him. Telling Dr. Harvey and Dr. Kent the day of their deaths had ended those sessions.

He swept the pastel across the page one last time and sat back to admire his work. It was a poor likeness, to be sure, but he was still pleased with it. He knew she would be pleased with it as well. He knew it was wrong of him to look forward to seeing her. He knew it was wrong to allow her to visit. She thought so much of him and he didn't really care for her at all. She knew that as well. _And people think I'm crazy_, he thought.

A sharp pain suddenly shot up his left arm and embedded itself into his chest. His mind ceased functioning for a moment before clarity flooded his brain. _A heart attack? Kira . . . it's about time. I wondered when you'd get to me._ He curled himself around the two pieces of paper lying next to him on the floor. _Hmm . . . I wonder if he'll get you too . . . L._

Now, she would be the only one in the world with shinigami eyes.

November 5, 2004

_Light didn't take being called a liar too kindly,_ L thought. _Who would, really?_ L stood listening to the perfectly crafted, completely expected answer. Of course Light would never say that he never lied. Everyone lied, some just more than others. And of course Light would only admit to lying if it was something that would protect his family. Everything he said was so _predictable._ It made L almost exhausted to hear the words. He looked away from the rambling teenager to peer into the grey sky once more. Honestly, he could barely focus on the words falling so effortlessly from Light's lips. He was too distracted, too entranced by the sounds pounding against his skull.

Bells. Somewhere in the distance. He could hear them, practically _feel_ the vibrations of sound through his body. Light had said he'd heard nothing. How though, how was it possible for anyone to not hear them?

He'd heard these bells before, long ago. He'd been so small, so unsure of his future, so very alone. He didn't want to think of that moment. Thinking about that moment would solve and change nothing. He realized that Light had stopped talking so he turned his face toward him once again.

"You're wet," he said, and began walking back to the door. If he'd been in a better mood, he might have laughed at the look of disbelief that ran across the younger boy's face.

He stood in the shadows, watching Light attempt to dry himself off with the small towel he'd been given. Was it even possible to look graceful doing something as mundane as that? Even after months of being attached to each other, by the chain and in other ways, L still couldn't believe the absolute _perfection_ that this boy had attained. It should be a sin to be that beautiful. It probably was.

As he watched the muscles in Light's back ripple with every stroke of the towel across his hair, he came to a sure conclusion. He was watching his death. He thought he would have felt something more. Maybe it was because of the game and he was tired of playing. Maybe it was because death seemed to come in such a beautiful package. Maybe he was just exhausted from living. He didn't know and he didn't really care that he didn't know.

Light's breath seemed to catch in his throat. Did he really say . . . ?

"What, Ryuzaki?" It was little more than a whisper.

"I'm sure that I will miss you."

"What does that mean?"

"I think we both already know the answer to that question, Light."

All he could do was stare at Ryuzaki. What do you say to someone you _know_ will be dead soon? Someone that knows that you know? He just wanted this moment over and it was lasting forever. Why did he feel like _he _was the one having a heart attack?

Light hadn't noticed L moving toward him, his foot now forgotten. He hadn't noticed L placing his hand gently on Light's chest. The left side. Over his heart.

"Though it will stop soon, I'm glad that my heart beat for one other before I had to leave."

No, Light thought. This wasn't happening. He'd tried so hard to forget those months. Tried to forget that he wasn't Kira. Tried to forget what he'd been to L, what L had been to him. Emotions were only for the weak, and he wasn't weak. He was Kira, damn it. He was going to save this rotten world. He was going to save everyone. L... L was in the way. He _had_ to go. Only one of them was supposed to make it out of this twisted game alive. He couldn't think about what he felt when L pressed his lips to his. Couldn't think about how this was _it_. The last time this would ever happen and he'd be stuck with Misa, of all people. He couldn't think about how he felt when L held him tightly. He couldn't think about how it seemed L was pulling his breath out of his body.

And then, L's phone rang.

March 21, 1991

Beyond was seven when his parents died. A month after, he had been sent to Wammy House. He'd been plucked from one orphanage only to find himself in another. Sure, this one was bigger and seemed to have fewer children running around, but Beyond could never fool himself into believing it was home. Home was where his parents were and they were dead. He'd watched them die, hiding a cupboard, not making a sound. Making a sound meant he too, would die. There were times in his life he would look back on that moment and wonder if maybe he should have screamed, should have shouted. He didn't dwell on it very much though.

After living at Wammy House for a few weeks, he'd been called into Roger's office. He was fairly sure he hadn't done anything that would get him into trouble. Well, nothing anyone could prove at least. He'd been surprised to find not only Roger waiting for him, but another man as well. He said his name was Watari, but Beyond knew he was lying. Everyone here except Roger lied about their names. Everyone. He saw that not only did this man have a name more ridiculous than his own, but that his last name was Wammy. Beyond quickly came to the conclusion that this man must be who owned the orphanage.

"What's going on, Roger?"

"Well, young man, during the time you've been here, it's been brought to our attention that you are a very special little boy."

"Our?"

Watari smiled warmly at him. He hated when people smiled at him.

"Yes," Watari said. "Mine and Roger's. We've been watching you for a time now. You're a very smart child. And we'd like to put you into a special program. Just for you and maybe a few others, should we find any worthy."

Beyond pressed a thumb thoughtfully to his lips. He knew he shouldn't suck his thumb. It always made his mother angry. He hated making her angry. But, she was dead, wasn't she. So, it didn't really matter anymore, did it?

"What sort of program?"

Watari's smile grew larger.

"Have you ever heard of L?"

"The detective? Of course I have. He found the man that took my parents from me."

"How would you like the chance to perhaps one day..._become_ him?"

Beyond couldn't help the look of surprise that crossed his features. Become L? How does one become anyone other than themselves? And, if this were possible, what sort of person was L? What if L was someone that he'd rather not be?

"If I were to become L, I'd want to know what he was like. I may hate him. I don't want to become someone I hate."

Watari chuckled softly. It seemed he had expected this sort of answer. He was very pleased. It seemed that perhaps this boy would do after all.

November 5, 2004

"Please, don't answer that phone."

L paused. He hadn't expected Light to say anything. Not when it was so painfully obvious both of them knew what was going to happen today.

"And why shouldn't I?"

For once in his life, Light was at a loss for words. He couldn't say 'please don't because I'm Kira and if you answer it I think something bad will happen.' It just didn't work like that. Life didn't work that way. You couldn't just randomly confess your sins and expect to be forgiven. His mind was racing, but none of his thoughts made any sense. God, if only that phone would stop ringing! He felt as though everything was moving in slow motion. He watched L open his cell phone and begin to speak softly into it. Light did the only thing he could think in that moment to do. He leaned forward and held on to the still damp denim of L's jeans. And then words, horrible words, left his throat, barely a whisper.

"The thirteen day rule is false."

The silence was deafening. Light felt it thundering in his ears. He felt L speaking into the phone, but he couldn't hear him. Nothing but small vibrations bouncing off of the wall and back toward his head. He just listened to the roaring and the pounding and stared at the left bare foot of the one standing above him.

L thought for one fragment of a second he hadn't heard correctly. But, he knew he had. He almost wanted to un-hear it, if such a thing were possible. Light might as well have blurted out to the heavens that he was Kira. Knowing about a false rule in that notebook was just as much of a confession. For the first and only time in his life, L didn't want to be right. He hated that he was right. He'd always known, always felt it to be true, but he didn't want to anymore. He looked down at the boy clutching at his leg. He looked almost broken. L had only seen one other person appear so defeated. He'd never wanted to...no, not now. 'Focus on Light. Focus on this moment. Don't let this end the way the other did', he thought to himself.

"Watari, there's been a change."

He saw Light tilt his head to look up at him. Confusion, not something he'd wager anyone else had ever seen on Light's face.

"Yes. Send them home...Yes, I know they won't want to. When have a cared?...I don't care HOW you do it...Yes, all of them...I understand...yes, thank you."

"Before anything else is said," L mumbled toward the floor, "I think I should make it known that not only is Watari angry with me at this moment, but very soon your father will be as well."

Light blinked. This is not what he'd thought would happen. He figured he'd be either locked up swiftly or possibly knocked unconscious. He'd practically given his own head to L on a platter. What the hell was going on?

"Now, start talking."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. And, if anything is forgivable, I may be able to find a way to get you out of whatever you've gotten into."

August 16, 1996

He'd been trying to become L for five years. He still wasn't sure if L was someone that was worth becoming. He'd yet to meet L in person, although he had spoken to him on the phone and once through a computer screen. He'd stared at the large gothic font and thought it was the most pretentious thing he'd ever seen. Although, he'd had to admit, it was very effective at inspiring awe. Wammy, no...Watari had told him a small amount about L. He knew he was only a few years older, two or three at the most. Watari had been vague. He was even more vague when it came to L's appearance and personality. Beyond knew that they looked somewhat similar and he couldn't help but feel bad for L on that point. Beyond never saw anything attractive in his own visage and felt that it must be a double curse to know that some poor soul out there shared it.

Watari had said L was shy, almost painfully so. Beyond thought that was probably a good thing. Since people couldn't see L, as it was a risk to his own life, than what better excuse then shyness? Beyond though, was not shy. People didn't scare or intimidate him. Rather, they were usually scared and intimidated by him. He didn't mean to, truly. But, he supposed he was a rather strange and unusual person.

Beyond had been told one other thing about L. It seemed he had a bit of a sweet tooth. That, he could identify with completely. Sweet things were lovely and heavenly. His personal favorite was strawberry jam. Really, anything with strawberries or a strawberry flavour to it could make him happy.

He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the soft tapping at his door. He quickly shook himself from his reverie and set his drawing pastels to the side before answering the door.

It was Watari, a warm and inviting presence as always.

"B, I wonder if I might ask a favour of you?"

Beyond became instantly suspicious. The last favour he'd been asked was one that involved a long trek on foot to town. It seemed the great L was also a bit of cranky teenager, and had run out of a favorite sweet.

"It would really depend what it was, wouldn't it?"

"Oh, it's nothing too strenuous, I assure you."

"What is it then?"

"It seems we have a new person to be enrolled in the program. I was wondering if you would show her about? She seems a good sort."

Another one? That couldn't be right. A had been in the program for as long as he had. Five years, and not one other child could be found within the orphanage of their mental caliber. Beyond had begun to think it was impossible for another one to exist. It had just been L and B and A. No one else. He had to admit, he was curious.

"Where is she? What is her name?" He knew he didn't really have to ask her name. But, he also knew it made others uncomfortable if he didn't ask the normal questions.

"She's in the foyer. And you know better than to ask her name. We'll just be calling her C."

"You guys have no imagination when it comes to names, you know that?"

He'd watched her for a moment before saying hello. She had seemed scared and he knew his appearance wouldn't make her feel any better. She sat huddled between two very large trunks. Her hair was black, like his, and for some reason that made him happy. He decided he'd stared long enough and tapped her shoulder, making her jump a bit.

"I'm B, and they told me you are C. I'm the one who's to show you to your roo..." He stopped. He'd flicked his eyes upward out of habit to see what her real name was. Nothing special, Alta, an old name, Latin in origin. . But, what made him stop was the complete absence of numbers below.

He looked back to her face, mouth agape, only to see the expression mirrored back at him.

"Where are your numbers?" she asked him.

"I was about to ask the same."

"No," she said. "It's not possible. No one else can see."

"I don't believe this." He bent forward and whispered into her ear. "What is my name?" he asked her.

"Beyond."

He whispered hers back then stood up. He stood for what felt like a very long time, just watching her.

What he didn't know was that someone else was watching them too.

November 5, 2004

"He was bored?"

L couldn't keep the absolute disbelief from his voice. A bored shinigami had started all of this? A bored teenager with a skewed sense of justice had found a notebook, a notebook he'd believed to be a prank, and had gone on a killing spree to rival all others. All of this because a shinigami, one Ryuk, had randomly tossed a book into this world hoping for some entertainment. The idea that this case, this manhunt, this complex game had all been born of some supernatural being's boredom was almost incomprehensible to L. Almost.

He'd long ago sat back upon the steps as Light had told him the hows and whys and whats of becoming Kira. He'd watched as Light and Kira fought within the boy, clinging to a damp towel as though it were a lifeline of sorts. It was strange. L had never truly seen good and evil fighting each other in one person. But, Light was trying so hard to win. Trying so hard to push the murderous Kira out of his mind. L couldn't help but feel a small amount of sympathy for the boy. Would he have done any different, he wondered. Would he have simply handed the book back, declaring it a tool of evil? Or would he have done the same, attempting to use the unearthly thing for some good? L was glad he would never really have to answer those questions. What he had to deal with though, was quite possibly much more important. Could he forgive? Should he?

"I...I thought I was right L. I still do. But, I don't know if...if it's truly myself or Kira that thinks it." Light hesitantly looked L in the eyes. L could still only see Kira. Light wasn't there...not yet.

"All I'm sure of at this point is I don't want you to die."

"I'm not a fan of that idea either." L looked away and stared into the distance. This was turning out to be more complicated than he'd originally thought. He'd just assumed that this would be a black and white situation. But, this was full of shades of grey. He really hated grey. He also hated how selfish it would be of him to try and save this boy, this child really. People around the world were expecting justice to be carried out. Kira arrested, tried and executed was what the world wanted. He was justice. It was his job to see this through. But, try as he might, he didn't think that living on while Light did not was justice.

"We need to find Rem. Whatever must be done will have to meet her approval, correct?"

"Yes," Light whispered. "She'll kill you if it doesn't."

"Why does she seem to have so much more at stake in this?"

"She cares about Misa. I'd even go so far as saying she loves her."

"Well, at least someone does."

And for the first time in a long while, L saw a small smile appear on Light's lips. A very true, shy sort of smile. For some reason, it gave L a sense of relief that even now, Light could break the surface of the mask he wore as Kira.

"L, it isn't going to be easy. Misa has to be happy. That seems to be Rem's main priority. And that girl has convinced herself that she can't be happy unless I'm with her. But, if I'm to be arrested and locked up..."

"I understand. I believe I have found a way to keep everyone out of harms way. At least for a time. My concern here is the bored shinigami. He's going to be a problem. But, first, I deal with the lovesick one."

April 2, 1997

"I met L."

The simple sentence made him pause. He looked from his drawing to the tall teen girl in his doorway.

"What did you say?"

She closed the door softly behind her and made her way across the paper and pieces of chalk on the floor to sit in the chair by his desk.

"I met L. I saw him."

Red flooded his vision. She had seen L? It was inconceivable! No one saw L! Not even he had, and he'd been here for so many years now. How was it that this girl, this stupid, stupid GIRL had seen him?

"I don't believe you," he growled..

"I don't care if you believe me. I saw him. It's a fact. I was upstairs, by the attic..."

"We're not allowed there."

"I know that. But, I thought I saw you. When I called out to you, he turned around and told me I was mistaken. And when I saw his name...I knew."

"You saw his name." So, it was a mere accident, this meeting. She hadn't REALLY met him. She'd been in the areas of Wammy House that were forbidden and been caught. By L of all people. She was going to be in so much trouble. He smiled gleefully at the thought. It wasn't that he hated her. Far from it. He found her pleasant and actually quite nice to be around. God only knew why she'd want to befriend him though. He figured it must be because of their shared secret.

"He doesn't have a long life span. It's sad really. I wonder how..."

"Don't think about that stuff. Thinking about it never changes it."

She grew quiet. She knew it never changed. She just wished she didn't have to be the one to see it.

"Wait," he said, "You said you thought he was me?"

"Oh, yeah. He looks a lot like you. A bit taller maybe. But, he's older than we are, isn't he?"

"How much like me?" Beyond had always wondered how alike the two of them actually were. Now, he would finally know. Maybe her bumping into L would be a good thing. He could almost forgive her. Maybe he'd even try to keep her from getting in trouble.

"Well, you both have crazy hair. I didn't think it was possible for anyone else to have hair as unruly as you do. You're eyes are shaped the same, but his...if black was an eye colour, I'd say his were black. But, I think they're actually more grey-blue. Yours are brown. And he looks like he hardly sleeps. He's got bags under his eyes. But, your faces...I doubt anyone could tell you apart if you were in the same room. The only way I knew was because I saw his name."

"What was it?"

She snorted. "You're not going to believe this.."

"Why?"

"His name IS L. The poor kid has been walking around his whole life with a letter as his first name."

"Well, no wonder we only get letters too. Maybe it makes him feel better about having a crappy first name."

"His last name is pretty though. Lawliet. I like it. Makes me wish I had a pet. I would name it that."

"You're weird."

"I know. You tell me all the time. Hey, do you think I'm going to get in trouble?"

Beyond picked up his pastel and moved it slowly across the page. After a few well placed strokes of colour he looked back at her.

"Oh yeah. Without a doubt."

November 5, 2004

Light had been astonished at how quickly the bone shinigami agreed to L's plan. On second thought, maybe he wasn't. Since part of the deal was to keep the two Kiras left in the world as far from each other as possible, it made sense for Rem to agree. He knew the shinigami had never liked him. He'd even venture so far as to say she hated him. But, that was fine with him. He didn't have much love for any shinigami at this point, not that he'd had any to begin with. What he was truly worried about was the next step. Misa agreeing wouldn't be a problem. He and L both knew she would do whatever Light asked of her. It was Ryuk that could be the thorn in his side. He had told L that Ryuk had once said he would be the one to write his name in the notebook. If Ryuk decided that now was as good a time as any to make good on his promise, then it was game over. In a very literal sense.

L was most certainly in 'problem solving detective' mode. Light still wasn't sure if he was entirely comfortable with the whole situation. The chain had been securely fastened around his wrist once they had exited the elevator down to the main room. Light hadn't been surprised. He'd actually felt a bit of nostalgia at the clicking sound of the handcuff. Kira, on the other hand, had screamed in rage. A thought full of anger and righteous indignation kept circling within his mind. 'You idiot!', it shouted. 'What the hell are you doing! You're ruining everything! This was not the plan! You're supposed to KILL him! We both can't live in the same world! Only one can survive! If you don't kill him you die!'

Over and over. It wouldn't stop. He'd even caught himself narrowing his eyes at L. Rage and hate and pure cold blooded anger continued to pound his brain. It was exhausting. Light wouldn't stop this fight. But, he felt every second drain his strength and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep the Kira in his head at bay.

L hated waiting. And that was really all they could do. Wait for the other notebook. Wait for that idiot Misa. Wait for that wretched shinigami. Maybe even wait for Light to die. Or himself. He still wasn't sure if one or both of them would come out of this alive. He remembered, once, someone told him he didn't have a lot of time. Very little, in fact. He kept his eyes glued to the monitor in front of him. He watched the entryway doors slide open and a very nervous looking Misa walked in and pressed the intercom button.

"Is he with her?"

Light looked away from the hands he'd been folding into fists and looked at the monitor.

"Yes, he's with her."

Misa was scared. There was no other way to describe it. She'd been so excited at first. Finally, she had thought, she was going to be able to see L's name. Then, she would write it in her notebook and Light would be so happy. Making Light happy was all that she lived for. So, she was very surprised when she walked into the room and saw Light and L attached by handcuffs and a chain once more. But, she was completely stunned by the sentence that came from Light.

"Misa, I want you to give L the notebook."

She had clutched her bag to her chest. What? Give L the notebook? Why did L need the notebook? And how did he know about the one she had? What the hell was going on here?

"I see you are confused, Amane. I am more than willing to explain things to you in as much detail as you need. But, before I can do so, I need to have your notebook in my hands."

She looked at Light and he gave a slight nod. She sighed and relaxed. If it was what Light wanted her to do, she would do it. Light could feel his fingers twitching. He wanted to be the one holding the notebook. It was his, by all rights. He should be pushing a pen across the surface of its pages, judging evil doers, ridding the world of those vermin. L was flipping through some of the pages, watching Light from the corner of his eye. He closed the notebook, glanced up at the new shinigami, and began to walk toward the small box that contained Higuchi's notebook. After he'd locked up the books, he watched Light's whole body visibly relax. Now, onto the matter at hand.

"Shinigami?"

"Ryuk. Nice to meet you."

"Ah, yes. Well, I'm not sure I can say the same."

L listened as Ryuk laughed. It was quite possibly the most horrid sound he'd ever heard. He did not like this shinigami.

"Well, Ryuk," L continued after the laughter had stopped. "We have a proposition for you. And for Amane as well. Rem has already agreed to the terms. In fact, she was quite happy with them. I am well aware that you know my name, Amane. I also know that you are the second Kira and Light is the original. At this moment, neither is my concern. My concern is seeing all of us get out of this tangled web alive."

September 20, 1999

They had spent the last few years together, still trying to become L. Beyond still wasn't entirely comfortable with the thought. He didn't feel different, he didn't feel like he was someone else. But, he and C and A had all been given test after test. Case after case. They'd been given more information than most adults could process, let alone three teenagers. C had taken to the program very well. To her, solving these cases was fun. Plus, to her, she'd had the added bonus of two new friends. They had all grown close. It had been strange for Beyond to finally have friends as well. He'd always been alone. He hadn't had any siblings before, and most other children he met had treated him like a pariah. But, A and Alta had never shown anything but friendly affection and maybe even love toward him. He wasn't sure if he liked it, but he knew he didn't dislike it either.

He sat on his bed looking out into the courtyard. The leaves had all turned brown and fallen to the ground. Earlier, some of the smaller children had been playing in them. He heard the sound of the door swinging open and then the soft click as it closed. He didn't look up. He didn't have to. Only one person here ever walked into his room without knocking. He sighed. He would have thought she would learn her lesson.

"I could have been in just a towel again."

"I know," she sighed. "I really didn't care."

She just stood there. The quiet was engulfing them. He knew what she was here for. He just didn't want to be the one to bring up the subject.

"You saw him today, didn't you?"

"Yes," he said. "I saw him."

"Shouldn't we do something? Try to stop it?"

He finally turned to look at her. He wished he hadn't. He'd never seen her look so sad before. She looked about to cry.

"You of all people should know that there really isn't anything to be done. We don't know how it's going to happen."

What happened next would be a moment he would never forget. He'd never forget because he couldn't remember anyone _ever_ holding him before. He knew it must have happened. His mother maybe had held him. He just couldn't remember. And now suddenly, here was this girl, his friend, another who could see what others couldn't, holding him tightly and letting silent tears stain the front of his shirt.

"I hate seeing this. I don't want to know that A is going to die. I know we all die. I just wish I didn't have to see it happen slowly."

He was at a loss. He tried to think what a normal person would do. A person not himself. They would probably hold her back. So, he wrapped his arm around her and began to stroke her hair. If it couldn't comfort her, maybe it would calm her down. He realized she was whispering something, over and over, like a sort of chant. He listened closely and heard his name.

"Why are you saying my name?"

"Because I'm the only one who knows it."

"That's not true. Not really. Watari and Roger know. And I'm sure L knows as well."

"Yes, he'd have to wouldn't he?"

"Then why...?"

"Because," She looked up at him, "it's special to me. It's the name of the only friend I'll have left after tonight."

He really didn't know what to say. He'd been told long ago, by Watari, that he was a special boy. He hadn't believed it. At the very least, he hadn't _felt_ special. But, when Alta said it, he felt it. It made his chest feel warm inside. Or maybe that was just from them sharing body heat by being so close. He didn't care what it was from though. It was a nice thing to feel. He wanted to tell her not to worry. He wanted to tell her that everything would be alright, that he'd never leave. But, he knew they would be lies. They should worry. Everything most likely wouldn't be alright. And he knew one day he'd leave Wammy House. Maybe he would take her with him. He wasn't sure.

"You can stay with me tonight," he said. "That way neither one of us has to be alone when A leaves us."

She only nodded at him and they both lay their heads on the pillows. They both knew they had hours to wait. Beyond felt his heart thumping in his chest. He'd never sat and just _waited_ like this for someone to die. He'd also never had someone else with him who knew it was going to happen. They just lay there, inhaling and exhaling. Her breaths were still ragged from crying. He knew this was very upsetting to her. He hadn't realized that she felt so strongly about either of them. He wondered if she would cry when he died, or if he would even die first.

When they heard a sound like thunder echo from the halls, she had jumped and then reached for him. He felt like she was crushing all the air from his lungs. So, he'd shot himself? He'd never thought of that for some reason. He'd figured and accident maybe. Not something as deliberate as suicide. A hadn't ever seemed the type. He heard screaming and shouts for help, but he knew that nothing could help. A was dead.

"Promise me you won't ever do that."

He didn't say anything. She placed her hands on his face, his wretched face that was barely his own, her own so very close to his.

"Promise me, Beyond. If you have to leave this world, don't choose to. I don't think I could stand it."

He brought his hands over hers. "I promise then."

"Good."

And then the second thing that he would never forget happened to him. She kissed him.

November 6, 2004

Rem wasn't entirely happy. Light could tell. But, even though Misa had left headquarters in tears, she was satisfied. Misa was now memory and notebook free and in possession of only a broken heart. It could be worse, Light thought, she could be dead. Or I could. . .or L. Next was his turn. He couldn't say he was exactly looking forward to it.

". . .and when his memories are gone, I'll be the official owner, correct?"

Ryuk nodded. "Yup, that's how it goes. But, I'm attached to that notebook. Where it goes, I follow."

"And if I also give up ownership what's to stop you from writing mine or Light's name?"

"Nothing. Of course, I can do that whenever I want. I have my own notebook. That one's just extra."

"Shinigami love apples?"

Ryuk laughed his horrid laugh. "This shinigami does."

"Hmmmm..." L wandered about the room in thought, Light tailing behind him. "How _much_ do you love them?"

"I'd stay in this realm forever for them. We don't have tasty juicy ones in the Shinigami Realm."

"So, if I could give you an orchard...?"

"I'd say that'd guarantee you a death note pass. At least from me."

Light couldn't believe it. One, L was practically making a deal with a devil and believing said devil. Two, it appeared that he was actually going to pull this off! Apples! Of all the things in the world. . .

"Light."

He looked up. L was waiting for something.

"Yes?"

"You have to give it up."

"When?"

"Now."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. Or I go to plan B."

"What is..."

"Do you really want to know?"

Light decided that he didn't. He looked at L standing to his side, holding the notebook once again. Watari next to him with an empty black box. And Ryuk, practically turning cartwheels, so excited at his good fortune to be allowed access to an apple orchard for as long as L and Light lived. He took a deep breath. His mind screaming at him to stop, to not say those words. Screaming at him to think of all the people who were going to die now because he couldn't save them.

"I give up ownership of the death note."

Now that L knew what he was seeing, he couldn't believe he'd been fooled before. He once more watched Light's narrowed eyes widen. He watched the brightness and innocence reappear once again. Light blinked three times in quick succession. He looked around him slowly, seeing only L holding a seemingly innocuous black book and Watari with a box.

"Ryuzaki? What are we doing?"

L ignored him for the moment and simply turned toward Watari and placed the book into the box. Watari then locked it and began to leave the room.

"Make sure no one opens it. And it should go into the Vault with all my documentation."

L then seemed to turn and address the empty room.

"We have an agreement. . .yes, follow him. He has apples."

Light was beyond confused. Ryuzaki was talking to nobody and locking up notebooks. He must have finally lost his mind. And where the hell was everyone else? He could have sworn they had been here. He felt a slight tug on the chain. He frowned down at it. He really hated it when Ryuzaki pulled on it to get his attention.

"Ryuzaki, what is going on?"

"Just follow me, Light."

Light scoffed at him. As if he really had a choice in the matter. Wherever Ryuzaki went, he was forced to follow. Wasn't that the point of the chain in the first place? Light followed behind him up the stairs and down the hall to the room they shared. Why did he feel like something important had just happened and he'd missed it somehow. And why were they going to their room? It was no where near the time that they went to sleep. Well, he slept anyway.

He'd opened the door and Light walked through. As he turned around to try and ask, yet again, what exactly was going on, he was surprised to see Ryuzaki lock the door. He never did that. Why lock a door when you were attached to the one person you'd have any reason to lock up? He then followed Ryuzaki into the small kitchen area. Well, that at least was normal. Ryuzaki then lifted the lid of a cookie jar and pulled out. . .a key.

"You kept it in the cookie jar?"

"Yes. While it's an obvious place, you wouldn't suspect it since I would be using it often." Ryuzaki then unlocked the cuffs and let the chain slide to the floor. Light just stared at the small metal pile.

"Ryuzaki," he said, gathering up the chain, "How many times are you going to make me ask?"

He was just _staring_ at him. While this was nothing new, now it was a bit unnerving. Light felt confused and dazed. He felt _off_ somehow. He didn't like it. Ryuzaki wasn't helping him feel any better either. He was just standing there, feeling like a fool, holding six feet of thin chain in his arms and watching Ryuzaki come closer and closer to him. Placing his hands on his face, looking more deeply into his eyes than anyone else ever had or could. After a few seconds, or forever, he finally parted his lips to say something.

"I missed you."

"What are you talking about?" Light frowned slightly and rattled the chains, "I've been right beside you the whole time."

A/N: Ok, well this is my first attempt at something serious with these boys. I hope it's turning out to be alright. So, let me know? Please? And just to assuage anyone's fears about the OC, no...this isn't going to turn into some BeyondxAlta lovefest. She's pretty much there to show Beyond's humanity, something I think is horribly overlooked. I suppose if there are any other questions, just ask and I'll do my best to answer. Also, for real, don't expect quick updates. No siree. I'm really trying to take my time and have something nice to show everyone. And also, I want to have something big to update with. I hate it when I'm done reading a chapter update in less than a minute. So, remember big updates, just a lot of time between them. I hope you enjoyed this.

Amo


	2. Passion

October 28, 1999

Beyond's fists were clenched in rage as he stormed down the hallway. He'd never felt so embarrassed, so _humiliated_, in all his life. He'd been in a meeting with Roger. He could never have prepared himself for that meeting.

"We've decided to end the program."

The words echoed in his brain. They wouldn't stop. Ending the program. Ending his reason for existing. That's what they should have said. He wasn't needed, or important, or _special_. Go find something else for your whole life to be about, Beyond. We don't want you anymore. Roger had given him poor excuses. The program was too stressful for them. A had died because of that stress. The program had been a bad idea from the start. They should never have tried to make others into L. It couldn't be done. L was an original. He could never be replicated. The program kept them from, and Beyond _loved_ this part, learning how to be themselves and function in the real world. There weren't supposed to be learning how to be themselves. They were learning how to be L! That had been the point, wasn't it?

He saw her walking toward him down the hall. It seemed she was about to be told how useless and worthless she was as well. Those cowards. They couldn't even tell them together. Giving bad news must be easier when the recipients couldn't unite as one enraged, indignant force.

She must have noticed the look on his face because she'd paused, waiting for him to close the distance between them. Well, she would be surprised because he had no intention of stopping. He didn't want to talk, he didn't even want to prepare her. He certainly didn't want to have a public airing of his fall from grace.

"B?"

He stormed past her.

"B! What's the matter? What's happened?"

She didn't follow him. He knew that she wouldn't. He needed to get to his room. He needed to be able to breathe again.

When he reached his room, his own sanctuary, he instantly regretted it. This room was nothing but a reminder of his failures. A reminder of Wammy House, and he now hated Wammy House more then he ever thought he could. And then he felt as though his brain and heart exploded simultaneously.

Books and the bookshelves that had contained them were flung to the floor. The desk, the wardrobe overturned, each time accompanied by screams of primal rage. The computer in pieces, clothing and bed covers strewn about, pillows shredded, the feathers falling in a mockery of winter snow. Everything he could touch he destroyed and as he destroyed, he screamed. He felt as though he'd gone mad, he _knew_ he had gone mad. His destructive journey led him to the bathroom, where towels went flying, shower curtain ripped, metal rods torn from the tile. And then, he saw it. . .his reflection. He looked truly insane. Sweat falling down his face, his chest heaving, trying to take in enough air. But, the true horror was knowing that this face was _his_ face as well.

"This is YOUR fault," he whispered.

Then his fists began pummeling the glass, shattering his reflection into pieces, taking the image away. He simply kept pounding the mirror, feeling the glass shards embed themselves into his knuckles, his wrists, only stopping when the glass was gone and his hands were slick with blood.He stumbled out of the room and dropped to the floor before his bed, examining the destruction emotionlessly.

That was how she found him. Sitting on the floor, legs splayed out before him uncharacteristically, eyes half open, blood covering his hands and lower arms.

"What did you do?" She took in the trashed room and picked her way to the even worse looking bathroom. She began searching through the wreckage for something, anything resembling bandages. She heard his voice in the next room, softly telling her to be careful, she might cut herself. She found what she was looking for and began picking her way carefully across the wreckage of Beyond's room. She knelt beside him and began cleaning the blood from his arms.

"Perhaps you should practice what you preach, Beyond."

He simply looked at her. He was too tired for talking.

"Are you not going to tell me why you did this?"

He shook his head.

"Are you going to talk to me at all?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I know you're angry. And you should be, but this is not going to help or change anything."

"OW!"

"Sorry," she said after pulling the first of many small glass splinters from his hand. She paused in her work to look into his eyes.

"Why the mirror? Can you at least tell me that much."

"I don't like my face."

She looked back to his hands and continued extracting the glass.

"But, Beyond, you have a beautiful face. I know boys don't like being called that, but it's true."

"It's not my face."

She stopped again and placed a gentle hand upon his cheek.

"It seems like it to me."

He said nothing more to her until she had finished fastening strips of bandage around his hands and wrists. She told him she would call some people to put his room back in order and that he had no choice but to accept her invitation as her guest in her room that night. He had simply nodded at her. When she started to stand, he had threaded his fingers through hers and finally looked at her.

"I'm going to make him pay. I'm going to be better than he ever could."

--

November 6, 2004

Light hadn't entirely been expecting the kiss that followed his statement. He hadn't expected the force behind it, the _emotion_. He'd dropped the chain and had stumbled backwards till his back hit a wall. Fingers were intertwined with his hair, lips touching lips, lips touching every inch, every centimeter of his face. His own hands pulling Ryuzaki as close as humanly possible. His own fingers gliding softly over Ryuzaki's warm, pale torso. Gently, but not too gently because he knew Ryuzaki was slightly ticklish on his left side. Ryuzaki, pressing him tightly to the wall, kissing him so deeply. Light felt as though he were being tasted from the inside out. And why did he feel like this hadn't happened in months, years? It felt as though it were new and comfortable at the same time. Why did he feel as though he lost so much _time_?

He wasn't sure how they made it to the bed, he didn't really care. All he knew was that Ryuzaki was above him ripping his shirt apart. He vaguely registered the sounds of the buttons hitting the wall and sliding to the carpet. And then Ryuzaki was kissing him again. His lips, the crook of his neck, his collarbone, his chest. His own face being stroked by strands of Ryuzaki's hair. He was completely surrounded, engulfed by this man.

"Ryuzaki," the whispered moan fell from his lips.

L paused in his ministrations for what felt like eternities to Light.

"No."

"No?" Light's brow furrowed in slight confusion.

"Not that name. I don't want to hear it."

"But. . .what shou-"

"L," he said, "Just L."

"L."

"Yes. L, you see," he said, pressing himself slowly into Light, "is my name."

Light's eyes widened, from both the pleasure and the surprise. L had just told him his name? He wanted to say so much, but he simply couldn't. His mind simply overwhelmed by the sensation of his lover inside him. Sweat slicked and gasping, he simply held tight, arms and legs wrapped about the man above him, whispering a single letter over and over. It felt like a chant, a prayer, a powerful secret that only he knew. When his body surrendered and the world disappeared followed by L collapsing onto him, he felt as though some elusive mystery had finally been solved.

They lay there, not moving, the only sound the breathless pants escaping their lips. Light was still confused, about so many things, but he couldn't break this moment. He wouldn't. Not for the world. And then he heard the muffled whispers, so close to his ear, but too soft to understand.

"What did you say?"

L lifted himself away from him and rolled beside him. He placed his hand once more to Light's face, pushing away sweaty strands of hair.

"You've been gone for so long."

"I don't know what that means. I don't understand a thing that's happened today. Are you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes, I will."

"When?"

"Soon. I promise. But, not now. Tomorrow maybe. You'll understand everything then."

--

November 9, 1999

"What are you doing?"

Beyond paused from his frantic packing, a balled up shirt clenched in his hand.

"What does it look like," he said turning around.

"It looks like you're leaving," she said, clutching a small black box to her chest.

"It's a good thing you're a genius. You might never have figured that out."

He resumed shoving his clothes into his duffel bag. Crap, he had been hoping to avoid this. He'd wanted to sneak out, sight unseen, like a shadow or a ghost. He didn't want to hear her try to give him a reason to stay, try to convince him that leaving wasn't a good idea. A few moments passed before he realized that she wasn't doing that at all. She only stood behind him, watching, holding onto that box. He turned to face her once more. She simply gazed intently back at him.

"I don't have time for this," he muttered and slung the bag over his shoulder.

"You've forgotten something."

"What?"

She silently handed him the box.

"You forgot this."

"What is it?"

"Call it an early Christmas present. Well, I suppose it's more of a going away present now. I found it in a shop today and thought you might like it."

He lifted the top of the box and peered down at the contents. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Where did you. . ."

"I told you. One of the shops in town. It's a Japanese thing, right? I thought you liked that sort of stuff. And the lady in the shop said they were sometimes used to keep demons and bad luck away." She looked down at her hands. "Who needs that more than we?"

He placed the box in his duffel bag, zipped it closed and prepared to leave again. She pulled lightly on his hand as he walked past.

"Are you sure you have to leave?"

"You know I do. I can't stay here. I can't be myself, I don't even know who that is. I can't be L. I'm not allowed anymore. I have to go. I have to become greater than he is. It's the only way I can get my life back.."

She held a hand gently to his cheek.

"I'm not going to ask you to come back. I know you never would. You will be great. I can tell. I do want to ask you one thing though."

"What is that?"

"Please, don't forget. Don't forget this place, or me. Maybe if you don't forget, we'll be able to see each other again."

"How could I forget? How could I forget you?"

She kissed him lightly on the cheek and smiled softly.

"I hope you know, I'm taking your room."

He gave her a half smile and walked out the door.

She would soon come to regret giving him a wara ningyo.

--

November 7, 2004

Light had once been proud of the fact that not much in the world ever truly surprised him. He'd never once gone slack-jawed or glassy eyed in disbelief. Now, he realized that he could never say that about himself again. The monitor had long since turned off, the black and white images no longer on the screen. He simply sat there, completely dumbfounded at what he had seen. He felt shaky and sick, trying to keep his hands from trembling. It was him. . ._him_. But, he couldn't remember it. He remembered being on the roof, but the part after was fuzzy in his memory. But, there he had been, on the monitor, telling L he was Kira. Telling him things he didn't know now or remember. He looked at L, standing next to his chair, his thumb stroking his lower lip in a thoughtful manner.

"L?"

"Yes, Light?"

"I think. . .I'm going to be sick."

Light dashed from his chair to the bathroom, his stomach clenching. He just kept thinking of the amount of people he'd just watched himself confess to killing. He thought he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom, he felt so sick and disgusted with himself. He made it though, and the contents of his stomach were soon emptied. He simply stay kneeling on the floor, panting in between bouts of dry heaving. He ran water over his face, and quickly brushed his teeth. He was so happy L hadn't followed him. He didn't think he could have handled L behind him, trying to calm him down. As if he deserved to be calm. He should be locked up, on his way to death. He wasn't any better than those criminals he had killed. And, oh god, all the innocents he'd. . .

Light couldn't help it. A choked sob escaped his throat and he sunk back down to the floor, leaning against the wall, legs curled up toward his chest. For a brief second his mind thought that he was in a very L-like position. The thought of L though, was enough to create an unstoppable flood of tears.

"Light."

He looked up and through his blurry gaze saw L standing above him. His eyes followed L as he too crouched on the floor.

"Light," he said reaching to push away the hair from the boys eyes. Light's arm grabbed his and pushed it away.

"Don't," he whispered. "How can you touch me? After what I. . ." His eyes grew even wider. "L, I was going to _kill_ you. Why are you still. . .? You should lock me away and leave me."

L looked at the panicky boy. He knew he had to calm him down or he would very soon have a hysterical teenager on his hands. He also knew, from experience, that hysterical teenage boys were never any fun.

"Light, you need to calm down."

"Calm down! Calm down? Are you crazy? How am I supposed to calm down? I just watch _myself_ confess to being one of the most prolific murderers ever and you want me to _calm down!_ And you! Last night, you knew. . .you_ knew_ what I was and you still. . .What the hell is wrong with you? Is that part of the perks of catching Kira? Getting to fuck him too?!"

L sighed. Well, this wasn't going as well as he'd hoped. And he really didn't want to do what had to be done. A couple of days ago, sure, this would have made him immensely pleased with himself. But, this wasn't Kira anymore, this was Light. And Light was a scared and sobbing teenager. Soon to be a _pissed off_ scared and sobbing teenager.

For the second time that day, something happened to Light that he hadn't seen coming. He saw L raise his arm, he saw the hand coming toward him, but it didn't register in his brain what was happening until that hand connected with his cheek. He sat dazed for a moment as realization sunk in. L had just _slapped him across the face_.

"What the Hell was that for?"

"If you insist on acting like a hysterical woman, then I will treat you as such."

Light opened his mouth to argue, then quickly closed it. He had been hysterical. He rubbed his red cheek slowly, trying to ease the sting.

"You still didn't have to hit me," he mumbled.

L began to slowly brush away the tears that were still falling from Light's eyes. He knew this boy was going to go to hell and back multiple times and he would have to do the best he could to keep him sane throughout the ordeals to come.

"You should stop crying."

"Yeah, I should, but I _can't_. There aren't tears enough in this world for what I've done. For what I _would_ have done."

"Don't think about what you would have done."

"How can you say that? I was going to kill you. Something has to be inherently evil in my soul to think I could become a god. I just killed people. Criminals, people in my way." he looked into L's eyes. "And I can't remember any of it. That's worse than knowing I did it, in a way."

"You don't have to remember. I will." L pulled him toward him and just held the boy close. "You found something that no human should ever find. I don't think you ever really had a chance. I'm just giving you another one." He placed his lips gently to Light's forehead. "And you didn't kill me. I'm still here. Only because you wanted me to be."

Light held tightly to L, listening to the other man's heartbeat. A heartbeat that had almost stopped forever, because of him.

--

A/N: Wow, I got that bit done a bit faster then I expected. I also had more time to write then I expected XD. Well, I hope the second chapter is alright.


	3. Journey

November 11, 1999

She had spent all day yesterday waiting. Waiting for Beyond to come back, when she knew he wouldn't. Waiting for Roger or Watari to talk to her about the now missing boy. She'd even waited to see if maybe L himself would come to talk to her. She had wasted the day. No one came to her. No one seemed to care. She was starting to wonder if maybe she should have left with him. Frankly, she was furious about the whole thing. What the hell kind of place was this? Did nobody care if a student ran away? Or was it just that no one cared about Beyond? She'd had enough of waiting. She knew Watari was here today, and where Watari was, so was L. And she knew where L was. She thought she was the only student who actually knew where he holed up on the few occasions he was back in England. She once more waited, but this time she knew what she was waiting for would happen. All she needed was the sun to set.

The halls of Wammy House were always quiet at night. All the children sleeping, exhausted from a day of playing and hard study. Alta was one of the few to ever really venture out of their room at night, roaming freely and exploring hidden rooms and staircases. Beyond had joined her on a few occasions, but he hadn't been with her the night of her big find, her second biggest secret.

The upper floors had always been off limits. They'd all been told the rooms were old, and floorboards were weak. It was a dangerous place. What they hadn't banked on was a student like Alta, one with a craving for secret and hidden places. After exhausting the secrets of the lower levels she had ventured higher and higher into the building. And, on a cold spring night two years ago, she had found two things she'd hoped to find since beginning the program. She had first found a large bedroom. She'd spent twenty minutes in that room, excitement flowing from every pore in her body. She had a pretty good idea as to whose room it was. It was a comfortable room, with very little decoration, three computers on the floor and one on a desk. She had wanted to spend more time exploring every nook and cranny of that room, but her nerves had gotten the best of her and she'd crept quietly out. She'd hidden in the shadows, waiting for her heart to slow down. She couldn't _wait_ to tell B what she'd found. That was when she saw B walking toward her. She'd been very disappointed, she remembered. She had thought she'd had a secret to tell. So, she'd whispered his name as loudly as one can and have it still be considered a whisper.

"B! What are you _doing_ up here?"

He had paused, and cocked his head to the side. And then, as soon as he spoke and her eyes had glanced above his head, she knew she'd made a mistake. A Big one.

"I believe you are mistaken, young lady."

There were many things about that meeting she hadn't told Beyond. She hadn't told them that they'd spoken for quite some time. She hadn't told him that she'd really and truly preferred L's voice over his. She hadn't told him, well, anything of importance. Only that she had seen him and his name. It would have been strange of her to _not_ tell Beyond that. She also hadn't told him that whenever she noticed Watari was back at Wammy's, she had gone looking for L. She hadn't told him that she had actually gotten to know him, at least as much as anyone could ever really know him.

And now, she was outside his door once more. This would not be a friendly visit. There would be no polite knocking, followed by a nice chat with tea and cake. No, she wasn't there to visit. She was there to be angry and confrontational.

--

November 20, 2004

Light was depressed. L finally came to the conclusion that, while hysterical teenage boys were no fun, depressed teenage boys were even less so. Light did nothing but mope and sigh then sigh and mope. L had tried to feel sympathetic at first. Sure, finding out you were Kira couldn't have been an enjoyable experience. But, surely there were limits to this sort of behavior. How long could one mope about feeling sorry for themselves? How long did one feel guilty for crimes they couldn't even remember? L heard another sigh to his left and remembered who exactly he was thinking about. Light was quite possibly the most self-centered, narcissistic person he'd ever met. And that was saying a lot. Wammy House was _full_ of self-centered and narcissistic people. He heard another sigh and decided he'd heard enough melodramatic sighing for the day. L stood up and made his way to the hotel room door.

"Where are you going?" L wasn't sure, but Light sounded almost frantic.

"I'm leaving this room."

"Why? Where?"

"Why? Why? I'm leaving because your incessant sighing is driving me out of my mind and the last thing I need is to lose my mind. As to where, I have no idea. I don't care if I just roam the hallways so long as I don't have to listen to you feeling sorry for yourself."

Light stood there, mouth agape.

"Are you serious? You don't want to listen to me feel sorry for myself? Mister, I'm-so-depressed-because-I-know-Light's-Kira-but-can't-prove-it-yet? Why can't I be depressed and sad over killing tons of people, which I Can't Even Remember Doing?"

"If I remember correctly, you decided that punching me in the face was the best therapy for my depression at that time. Should I do the same for you?"

"Pffft," Light scoffed. "And if _I_ remember correctly, it didn't work! That or I just didn't hit you hard enough!"

"Wonderful. Now you're going to start throwing a tantrum! Bollocks, that's what this is!"

"STOP SAYING WORDS I CAN'T UNDERSTAND! AND I'M NOT THROWING A TANTRUM!"

L needed to get the hell out of there. Light was very clearly gearing up for, if not a tantrum, then a definite fight. And L had no desire for either one at the moment. He_ knew_ Light was angry. He_ knew_ Light felt horrible. He_ knew_ Light wasn't too happy about having to leave Japan for a very long time, possibly for the rest of his life. He _knew_ Light was crushed that his father knew what he had been and had been horrified. But, at this moment in time, he was mentally exhausted, hungry and Watari was no where to be found. L knew this was his fault as well. The hotel didn't have his favorite type of pastry and he'd sent Watari out to procure said pastry. He really hated this hotel right now.

Then, Watari opened the door, balancing four boxes in his arms.

"Watari! Thank God. I'll be right back. Could you watch him?"

"I don't need babysitting L!"

"You do too." L turned once more to Watari. "Just lock him in the closet if he annoys you."

L heard Light gasp behind him. Well, a gasp was a step up from a sigh at least.

"You wouldn't _dare_!"

L turned around. "Try me."

Watari, in the meantime had already meandered into the kitchen area and began brewing tea. He smiled softly at L.

"I take it you boys are having a bit of a tiff?"

L blinked once, twice. "A tiff isn't what I'd call it. He's gone into Mello-mode. Hell, imagine four Mello's in Mello-mode and that could _maybe_ come close to how he's acting."

"What the hell is Mello-mode!"

L chose to ignore Light, instead he made his way to the door.. Watari heard him mumble the word 'teenagers' under his breath before leaving. He looked from the closed door to a very shocked looking Light and he softly chuckled to himself. He had been uneasy with L's decision at first. Who wouldn't have been really? But, over the course of the week he'd come to terms with it. Light may have been Kira, but now he wasn't. He was just Light Yagami, and a slightly scared Light Yagami at that. And if there was one thing Quillish Wammy knew about, it was scared and lonely children. Granted, this wasn't exactly the sort of child he dealt with. Light was neither orphaned nor very young. But, the emotions were the same. Yes, he thought, these two were very well matched.

"Would the young mister Yagami care to have some tea with me? It will give you a chance to calm down. I can also tell you a bit about where you will be traveling."

"Are you _allowed_ to do that?"

"Of course I am. Now, drink some tea and I'll tell you about England."

--

August 15, 2001

Los Angeles. It was a bright, sprawling city, full of people and palm trees. The sun seemed to shine everyday. Everyone here seemed so hopeful and full of dreams. People waiting for their big break, waiting to be discovered.

Beyond hated it.

He hated feeling like a member of the crowd. He hated that he could feel this lonely surrounded by so many. He hated the people and the palm trees and the sun. He hated feeling insignificant. Even after making his way across an ocean and a continent, he hated that _this_ place was where he'd had to go. He hated that he missed _her_.

He'd been living in a small second floor room above an abandoned storefront. It wasn't fancy, but it was comfortable, it was enough for him. He slept on a grubby mattress he'd found in a back alley. His blanket, his pillow, everything in the room was something he'd found. It wasn't that he didn't have money. He'd made sure to bring plenty with him from England, and earned more since, doing odd jobs for cash under the table. But, he'd made a sort of deal with himself to not live as he had before. No more living like some special orphaned prince. No more having what ever he wanted at his beck and call. No more living like _L. _He would be better than L, and if he had to do it by crawling from the bottom rung of society, he would.

His plan was set. He'd already met the three people that would be the living pawns in his chess game. A chess game with L. A game L didn't even know he was playing, was responsible for.

He'd met Believe Bridesmaid last and he'd been so excited. He'd been missing one piece. He'd thought he'd have to start over, come up with another plan. But, there he was, standing there browsing the shelves in a small comic shop that Beyond frequented. He'd almost laughed aloud in pure glee when he saw the man's name and the numbers changing slowly above his head. The name was perfect. The dates were perfect. He had less than a year now. Less than a year to prove to the world, prove to L, that he was better.

He watched as Believe chose a book and began flipping through it.

"Ah, that one's very good."

Believe looked up at the strange man speaking to him.

"Excuse me? Were you talking to me?"

Beyond smiled his best shy smile.

"Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm a fan of that series."

"Really? I was starting to think I was the only one."

Beyond held out his hand.

"I'm Ryuzaki. It's nice to meet a fellow fan."

--

November 20, 2004

L had spent the last four hours on the roof of the hotel. He hadn't planned on staying that long, but the thought of going back to the room where a still potentially huffy teenager was had kept him from leaving. For as long as he could remember, high places had been his sanctuary. As a small boy it had been trees, and as he grew more and more reclusive the trees had become rooftops. He was quite aware of the similarities between himself and a certain Parisian humpback, but he didn't care. The only time a city was ever truly quiet was when one was high above it.

He still had doubts about his plan for Light. There was still a nagging voice in his head, screaming at him that he was harboring a mass murderer. He was allowing something evil to escape justice. But, for once in his life, his heart was louder than his head. He knew, right now, this very moment, that Kira was not downstairs waiting for him in a suite. Light Yagami, a young, egotistical and intelligent spoiled brat, was. And he was about to be whisked away from everything he'd ever known, probably forever.

L stood, listening to the sound of the wind blowing softly by his ears. There were no bells today. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, I have more time than I had been led to believe. Hell, even if he only had one more day left, it would be alright with him. Just one more day with Light. That would be enough.

He felt arms circle around his waist and a chin leaning onto his shoulder. Normally, he would have known someone was behind him. Normally, he would have thrown the person to the ground. Normally, it wasn't someone he cared about.

"How did you find me?"

Light smiled softly.

"It was a guess, really. But, I remembered you went to the roof before. It seemed the most logical place for you."

L moved his hand behind him to softly stroke the soft hair that was tickling his cheek.

"Is there something that you needed?"

"No, not really. Well, actually a couple of things I think I should tell you."

"Such as?"

"Well, Watari has fallen asleep in his chair."

"Which would explain how you were able to look for me. Anything else?"

"I. . .I'm sorry, for throwing a. . ."

"A what?"

L really knew he shouldn't be trying to antagonize the boy. Apologizing wasn't something that came naturally to Light. It didn't even come naturally to himself. But, he was sure that apologies were going to be few and far between and he was going to milk this moment for all it was worth. He could practically feel the grimace on Light's face.

"A tantrum. I'm sorry I threw a tantrum. There, happy?"

"Not really, but it will do. I too am sorry. For yelling and comparing you to Mello."

"What is a Mello anyway?"

"It's a who, not a what. And you'll know soon enough I suspect."

A comfortable silence descended between them and they both simply looked at the city below. Quiet moments too, would be few and far between. Light began grazing his lips gently over the crook of L's neck. L decided that, while it was very pleasing, he would rather be the one doing the kissing and turned to face Light, giving his lips the full attention they deserved. L was still amazed at how tightly Light would cling to him when their lips touched. He reached for the top of Light's shirt when he pulled away slightly.

"Don't pull this one apart."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think even I could come up with a good excuse as to why all my buttons have suddenly gone missing."

"You're no fun," L said and instantly began carefully and slowly unbuttoning the shirt. Light was unhappy with L's speed and began fumbling with denim, zipper and button. L smiled at his impatience and merely continued slowly divesting Light of his own pants. Light always seemed to be in a hurry now. Ripping clothes off, heated kisses L could barely taste, rushing to a climax, speed equaled passion to Light. L figured now was as good a time as any to teach his young lover a lesson.

--

A/N: Ah, I do apologize that it took me so long to get this to you. I had lemon issues, and as you can see, I gave up. Don't you just hate when you have a lovely image in your head and yet lack the words to convey it? Oh well. And, yeah, a bit of a silly moment as well. Frankly, I needed it, I don't know about you though. But, if I had any more angst at that moment, I was going to scream. So...yay for getting L to say bollocks XD. I hope you enjoyed and I'm still hard at work for the next bit. Just a warning, I will be moving soon, so there will be a HUGE block of time where I'll be unable to update, so hopefully this and the next bit will be enough. XD


	4. Legacies

November 11, 1999

"He's gone," she said.

"Yes, I am aware."

He was so damn calm about it. He seemed almost uncaring. She had thought that L would have at least had the decency to_ pretend_ to be worried.

"Do you even care at all?"

L turned slowly from the window he'd been gazing out of. He'd been expecting her to show up.

"I didn't know I was supposed to. He chose to leave. No one made him do so. He could have stayed. You did."

"My staying or not has nothing to do with this."

"What is the issue then?"

"The _issue_ is that you and Roger and Watari know that a sixteen year old boy has run off. A very upset sixteen year old boy. And neither one of you seems to give a shit."

L sighed and made his way across the room to sit down. He really wanted to say something about teenagers being annoying and problematic, but decided that was not the route to take with this girl. He was sure though, that he had not been this way, notwithstanding the fact that he had only very recently become a non teenager.

"C, what is it exactly you are hoping to get? If you want someone to commiserate with you on the loss of your friend, you are in the wrong place. No one forced him out. He left of his own volition. No one is forced to leave or stay here. And B, while still young, is also more than capable. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"That's not the _point_. Why didn't anyone go after him? Why didn't anyone even care to see if I knew he was gone?"

"Because we knew that you already did," L said, taking a sip of tea. "And, we knew before he left that he was already gone."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means B had been dropping hints to Roger that he would leave since A died."

Alta couldn't believe it. B had been hinting? Why hadn't he ever told her? She had known he was upset about the program ending. She had known that he'd been increasingly unhappy at Wammy House as the years passed. She hadn't believed he'd ever actually leave until she saw him packing. The past two days suddenly seemed to hit her and weigh down her shoulders and she did something she hadn't intended on doing. She started to cry. She wasn't sobbing, thank god for that, but she couldn't help the tears that began making tracks upon her cheeks. L glanced up at her and then quickly again at his tea.

"Please, don't do that."

She brushed away her tears as quickly as she could.

"It's not like I meant to. I'm not some over emotional teen girl that cries at the drop of a hat you know. I just . . . I feel like I've lost my family all over again."

"But, you didn't. I am also quite sure you will make other friends. You are a very personable young lady."

"Christ L! What is the matter with you?! I tell you I feel like I've lost my family and you tell me I'll make new friends! Have you ever been close to anyone? Anyone at all? Have you ever loved and cared about someone so much, it physically hurt you?"

L calmly opened a book before responding.

"No, C. I have not."

Alta stood, just staring at him for a moment. She hated that she felt like she was yelling at Beyond. She hated that L reminded her so much of her friend that she wanted to squeeze him and tell him not to leave. She hated how crazy it would look if she actually did that. She hated . . . she hated that he was just sitting there, _reading_ while she was so full of anger she didn't know what to do. So, she crossed the room and flung the book away from the now surprised detective. Score one for the little guys, she thought.

"Don't call me C. It's not my name. I hate it."

"It doesn't matter if you hate it or not. It's not safe for people to know your-"

"It's not safe," she said, "for people to know _your_ name. Not me. Just you. L. . .L, the great detective. L Lawliet."

She'd never really seen anyone move as quickly as he did. But, she was sure it had only taken a tenth of a second for L to leap from his chair. Another tenth and she found her mouth covered by a pale hand and her back against a wall.

"How?" he hissed. "Where did you hear it?"

She pulled his hand away before answering. Nothing could have been more undignified than mumbled 'mmph, hmph' as an answer.

"I didn't _hear_ it anywhere."

"How do you know it? I'm in no mood for games or shenanigans, so you had best tell me now."

"You're in no mood? Well, I'm in no mood to tell you. I've known for quite sometime and no one else knows because I've never told anyone. Why should I start now?"

"C. . ."

"I told you. I hate that. And frankly, right now I'd say I hated you. Maybe if you'd ever actually paid _attention_, you would know. Maybe if you'd paid attention, you wouldn't have a dead boy and a runaway as your former successors." She flicked her eyes above his head once more. "Five."

"Five?"

"Yes, five. Five years. Make them good ones." she looked away. She'd never told anyone that before. She felt so sick with herself. Yet, she couldn't seem to keep the venom from everything she said.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's supposed to mean nothing," she sighed. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be around someone who didn't know. She knew, if she tried, she could just pretend this was Beyond. But, it wouldn't be fair. Not to her or L. "Now, let me go. I have thinking of my own to do."

"I don't think so," L said. "Right now, you're the biggest threat to my safety that I've ever encountered. You're staying here where I can see you, and then I'm taking you to Roger first thing in the morning."

* * *

November 22, 2004

After landing in London and getting into the waiting car, Light had fallen asleep. L had watched him try to fight it, but jet lag and weariness won and Light was now curled upon the seat using L's lap as a pillow. Normally, L would be banging away at his computer, thinking about whatever case he would take on next. It was one of the reasons he usually flew into London as opposed to Southampton. He felt more productive during the car ride into Winchester. But, for once, working didn't seem so very important and he was content to simply watch the scenery and occasionally run his fingers through strands of brown hair.

L watched through the window as Wammy House came closer and closer into view. He still found it slightly ironic that a building where no one was ever truly meant to _stay_, was home for him. Children grew up and left schools and orphanages. They didn't live the whole of their lives there. But, L couldn't imagine living anywhere else. He'd spent almost an entire year in Japan, the longest he'd spent on any case before, and every day had missed England. The car pulled in front of the iron gate, idled a moment and then was shut down. L listened to the front car doors opening and closing as Watari and the driver exited and began the process of unloading luggage and various pieces of equipment. L looked to the sleeping boy in his lap and hated that he had to wake him. He sighed softly and gently shook him.

"Light," he said. "Light, we're here. You need to wake up."

"Mmmph . . . womble . . . minutes."

"What?"

"I said, just five more minutes."

L smiled slightly and continued shaking him.

"No, Light. No more minutes."

A few more grumbles and shakes later, Light finally sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yawned.

"So, L, where are we then?"

"We are in Winchester, Light. And don't call me L."

"Sorry."

"Here," L said, wrapping a scarf around Light, "It's cold out and snowing."

L opened the door and helped Light exit the car. When the cold night air touched his face, Light felt instantly awake and he couldn't keep his eyes from widening at the site before him. A huge iron gate stood before him, the building behind it more imposing than anything he had ever seen. He just stood there, listening to the quiet and feeling the snow fall on his face. He wasn't really afraid, just apprehensive. Yes, that was the word to describe what he felt. That's when he felt L gently squeeze his hand and he looked at him. Light saw so much in L's eyes and he couldn't have described any of it with words. So, instead he looked away and once more at the structure before him, smiling softly.

L continued looking at Light and finally understood, after so many years, why Watari had squeezed _his_ hand in front of this gate.

Light had promptly passed out once his head touched the pillow. For a brief moment, L thought Light was once again going to fight sleep, but happily had been proven wrong. Once he'd gotten the boy inside, he'd suddenly reverted back into a cranky teenager. Complaining that he Had to carry his own suitcases, then complaining about carrying the suitcases up so many stairs, complaining that there was no elevator and did they not realize that in this century, places this big usually had an elevator? L had been sorely tempted to push him down a couple of the many flights of stairs, but decided that, should Light survive the fall, the hysterics after wouldn't have been worth it. Finally, after many snide comments from Light about L residing in a bell tower, they made it to the room and all grumpiness disappeared the second Light spied the bed, flopped onto it, and fell asleep once more. With his shoes still on. Which made L do a bit of grumbling of his own. But, he had somewhere else to be at the moment. Something that he did every time he came back home. He needed to check on his boys.

He didn't really know why he'd started doing it, but every time he returned from a case, he'd always felt the need to let the few people at Wammy's he felt an affinity with, know he was back.

He made his way to the first room and opened the door. There was a small mound of blankets on the bed, a hand clutching onto a robot toy dangled from the edge. He looked at the completed puzzle on the floor and removed all the pieces in the upper left corner. This one, he knew, didn't really care if he was back or not. He also didn't care that the pale boy didn't care.

The second room held two occupants. He knew sometime within the last year they had begged Roger to become roomies and Roger had acceded to their request. L had been unsure about the situation when he'd been informed by Watari, but had been assured it would be fine. L still had misgivings. Knowing the temperament of one of the fourteen year old boys, he was sure that there would be many arguments ending in hospital visits. Now, due to the late hour, both were sleeping peacefully. L looked to the night stand next to the oldest of the two's bed. On it was a bar of chocolate, presumably for breakfast. L picked it up and slid it into his pocket. He looked to the other boy's night stand and saw the charger for his portable game player. With a bit of a smirk, he unplugged it and left the cord dangling. There, he thought, now I'm back. He left the room as quietly as he came and made his way down the hall. Just one more to visit and then he might actually rest.

* * *

August 22, 2002

He really hated Naomi Misora. Did she honestly think for one second, that he hadn't been aware that she was in contact with L? Did she honestly think he didn't over hear her conversation about how people like him shouldn't be allowed to live? Did she honestly think he didn't get a kick out of making her grovel on the floor, seemingly because they should look for clues? He felt that he'd been practically spoon feeding her clues the entire "investigation." He would admit, she _was_ smarter than he'd originally thought. The capoeira had been a surprise as well.

He'd been sitting in room 404 all day, thinking. Thinking about how this was the end. The end of a lot of things, really. But, this was also the true beginning. The beginning of the puzzle that L would never solve, _could_ never solve. Beyond would become the one criminal L could never catch. His reputation would be ruined, and in this way, B would surpass him.

He idly fingered the box of matches at his feet. He knew he was breaking a promise by doing this. Truly though, promises made as a child shouldn't really count. She'd never asked him to make the promise again. Even when she'd found him here, in this horrid city. A month she'd stayed and then returned to Winchester. A month in which he'd remembered he was human. A month where he remembered that he wasn't just B or Ryuzaki. A month when he'd just been Beyond. She'd laughed when he told her about Ryuzaki. She thought it was a silly name, and he had agreed with her out loud, but silently thought he preferred the name to his own. And then, she had gone, and he'd realized that January really was a month of beginnings and endings.

Beyond sighed a bit and glanced at the clock. It was nearly time. He poured the accelerant over his head and felt the liquid drip slowly down his neck and over his clothes.

"_You know I don't really love you."_

He lit the match. He tried to ignore the fact that a tear had escaped his eye, and just stared at the wall in front of him.

"_Yes, Beyond. I know you don't."_

Fuck, this was going to hurt.

* * *

September 1, 2002

L had learned quite a few things this morning. He learned that you should never, ever try to hug a woman who doesn't know you. They tend to react badly. He also learned that capoeira hurt. A lot. He learned that falling down an entire flight of concrete steps in a subway station hurt more than capoeira. And the biggest lesson he'd learned was that sometimes, being L just plain sucked.

"Watari?"

"Yes, L?" he said to his prone charge as he replaced the ice pack on L's lower back.

"I think you should inform Roger about B. And in turn, C should know as well. Just, tell him to be delicate about it. There's no need to upset her more than she needs to be."

November 23, 2004

There were four distinctly different reactions in Wammy House. L knew there would be. Near simply opened his eyes, stretched, saw the missing puzzle pieces, and rolled back over to sleep. Things were a bit more vocal in the room down the hall.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

"Huh?"

"Every god damned time."

"Did you take my choco . . . L's back!"

Light felt as though someone were staring at him. He slowly opened his eyes, his brain thinking of only two things. Something was tickling his nose and he wanted coffee. Both thoughts were banished from his mind when he saw who was staring intently at him.

"Oh my god! L, what happened to you?" he shouted as he lifted a small person in front of him.

"Nothing happened to me. I assure you."

Light looked over the left shoulder of dangling child to see L sitting in a chair, a bemused expression on his face. He then looked back at the child, then to L, and back to the child.

"Um . . . who is . . . I mean, is he . . . " words were failing Light. He was not happy about this at all. He was even less happy when two little legs started swinging back and forth. He put the boy down and watched him crawl off the bed and toward paper and crayons on the floor.

"He is the child of a colleague and a former acquaintance."

Light just kept staring. There was no _way_. The resemblance was uncanny. The little boy kept looking at Light and then continued making marks on his paper. Light tore his eyes from the boy to see what he was drawing and was surprised to see his own name. The boy then started writing numbers. 9 3 31 2 . . .

"I believe you can stop writing the numbers, Ever," L said.

The boy looked up at L. Light thought he looked disappointed. Ever then pointed at Light then the paper.

"Yes," L said. "I know you know his name. It means moon, but you say it as Light."

"Can't he talk?" Light asked.

"Yes, he can. He just hasn't spoken since January." L watched the little one toddle back over to the bed and proceed to climb onto Light's lap, pat his head, then sit. Light looked quite uncomfortable and L rather enjoyed it.

"How does he know my name?"

"Before, I would not have been able to answer that question. But, now I believe I know the answer. It seems he and his parents were all born with the ability to see a person's name and life span. Born with shinigami eyes, as it were. It would have been quite useful to have known about this ability before I left for Japan."

"Born with . . . how is that possible?"

"I do not know."

"His name is Ever?"

"Yes."

"Doesn't anyone name their kid anything normal anymore?"

"Sometimes they do, I'm sure."

Ever was now latching his arms around Light's neck. Light tried to get the kid as far away from him as possible, but Ever refused to budge.

"It seems you've made a friend, Light."

"He's a creepy little monkey. Get him off of me!"

Ever frowned and proceeded to bite Light's shoulder, _hard_.

"OW! THE LITTLE MONSTER JUST BIT ME!"

"It seems he doesn't like being referred to as a 'creepy little monkey'. I would suggest not doing it again."

L rose slowly from his chair and made his way to the two on the bed. He leaned down toward the small boy.

"Please, don't bite my friend. It does upset him."

Ever nodded slowly and pat Light once more on the head.

"What am I? A puppy?"

The only response Light received, to his annoyance, was another pat on the head, from L.

* * *

February 23, 2003

The ceiling was so white. It almost blinded him. Maybe that was why he stared at it so much. He heard the soft click of the door opening and closing. He didn't even look. It was probably a nurse. It was always a nurse. Once, it was L, but he didn't really want to think about that right now.

Something was wrong though. He heard the sound of a small thunk next to the chair by his bed. But, nothing more. No nurse popped into his peripheral. No one began looking at a chart or fussing with the various machines or gave him pain medication. He slowly turned his head to see who the hell exactly was here.

"Fuck. Not you."

"I'm sorry to disappoint," Alta said. "Would you rather I'd have been someone else?"

"I'd rather not see anyone."

She sat down in the chair and looked closely at him.

"Are you all right?"

"Do you realize that is the second time in your life you've asked me a completely stupid and ridiculous question? Do I _look_ all right to you?"

She bit her lip and stared down at her hands.

"I suppose I didn't really mean physically all right. I should have used stronger words. Like . . . what the hell is wrong with you? What the fuck were you trying to prove? You're not a murder, Beyond."

"I assure you, I am."

"Why? Why did you do it?"

Beyond looked away and back to the ceiling. Somehow, they seemed less blinding.

"I know why. L knows. No one else really needs to. I failed and now . . . now I'll pay for it."

"L told me you were going to be sent to a facility in a month. A psychiatric facility. We both know you're not crazy."

"Would you rather I go to prison then?"

"No."

"Why are you here, Alta?"

"I'm here, because you're my friend."

He looked back at her.

"How unfortunate for you."

"No, never unfortunate. I would have been here sooner, but I was unavoidably detained."

"Detained? How so?"

"Well, I wasn't allowed to travel. And then, I was so busy and unsure about traveling with him."

"Him? You didn't come here with L did you?"

She narrowed her eyes and for a moment, even Beyond could feel the hatred radiating from her.

"No. No, I did not. I came here with him," she said, pointing to a plastic contraption covered by a blanket.

Beyond leaned forward slightly then turned once more to Alta.

"So, you have a child now."

"We both do," she said, pulling the blanket away. She saw his eyes widen when he saw the name, the face, and the lack of numbers.

"I think he sees things as we do," she said.

* * *

November 23, 2004

Light knew he'd never really cared for children. He now knew, officially, that he hated toddlers. Especially toddlers that insisted on latching themselves around his neck. Walking down the seemingly endless flights of stairs was bad enough, but being forced to carry a squirmy two year old made it worse. L was no help either. Light was fairly sure that L was enjoying the sight of Light trying to keep the creepy little monkey still. All he really wanted was coffee. Coffee and maybe toast. He wasn't very hungry, but he still felt exhausted from the flight. He tried to keep his grumbling at a minimum and just followed L to a kitchen. After being in that room for ten minutes, he wished he'd grumbled more and stayed in the bedroom.

"Light," L said turning to him, "you might not want to be standing directly behind me when I get to the doorway."

"Why not?"

"Well. . ."

L didn't have time to answer. A fast streak of yellow and black had raced through the doorway and smashed itself right into L, knocking them both to the ground.

"L! L!" an excited voice shouted. "You're back! Where's my chocolate that you stole? Did you bring me anything?"

L set the hyper teen on his feet and reached into his pocket.

"Here is your chocolate. Yes, I brought you something. You'll get it later. Now, calm down Mello and return to your breakfast."

Light's jaw could have touched the floor.

"_That's_ a Mello?"

Mello turned around slowly, only just noticing the other man.

"Yeah. What's it to ya?"

"I'm nothing like that. . .that. . .girly boy!"

"Light," L said, "I really wouldn't. . ."

"Girly boy! Look who's talking, pretty boy!"

"He's shorter than I am, he looks like a girl, and he's at least two years younger than me!"

"Three, actually," L said.

"And I have never, EVER flung myself at you like that."

Mello looked at Light, raised a brow, and smirked.

"I'll bet you wanted to, though." So saying, he turned on his heels and went back to the kitchen.

"What the hell kind of place is this, L?"

"It's home, Light. It's home. Now, I suggest we go in so you can properly caffeinate yourself. And I'm sure Ever is quite hungry."

Ever nodded then pulled on Light's hair, pointing toward the door.

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope this is alright. I'm really hoping no one minds Ever. I was a bit reluctant at first myself, but he's opened up a lot of plot points. So, don't hate me so much for it. And yay for the Mello glomp XD. So, any feedback would be really nice, hate it or love it or like it, let me know. I will say that I'm really enjoying writing this, so I hope you're enjoying the read.

Amo

* * *


	5. Revealing

October 20, 2003

He sat in the visiting room, idly wondering who else on earth would be visiting and picking at the set of hospital scrubs everyone was made to wear. He hated them. They were stiff and ill-fitting and made him feel lazy. Beyond very rarely received visits, he'd only had two, and both had been Alta and his, well . . . his son. It felt strange to think he was a father. He didn't really consider himself to be one. He knew that as far as Ever was concerned, he might as well not exist. Yet, when he had seen him, the child had smiled. Smiled and said "Da". That had been three days ago and while it had been nice, Beyond didn't want to think about it too much. He didn't want to get to the point where he missed them, or wondered, if things had been different, would they have been happy. He didn't want to think about what it felt like to have the child clutching at his neck, not wanting to leave him.

"Da, I stay. I stay."

Yes, Beyond didn't want to think about that. Instead, he waited for who ever else had decided to bother him today.

He heard the sound of the door opening and closing and then a shuffling across the floor. He paused from his task and glanced up, eyes widening in horror at who stood before him.

"I have nothing to say to you," he said, knocking his chair to the floor and backing away. "Just turn around and leave me be."

The man simply continued to the other chair, crouched in the seat, and stared at Beyond.

"Are you deaf?" Beyond shouted. "I told you to leave. I didn't ask you to make yourself at home."

"I am not deaf," he said.

Beyond had never heard him speak before. Hell, he'd never even _seen_ him before. He'd always thought Alta had lied about what he looked like. But, there could be no mistake. There, in that chair, was _him_. His face. Well, his old face. His old face on someone else. He wanted to scream, to cry, to run, to _kick the living shit out of L_. Instead, he merely stood there by the wall, hoping L would leave.

"You may have nothing to say, but I have much that I need to discuss with you," L said calmly.

"I can't imagine what. I lost, I'm locked up, I'm disfigured. What the hell else do we possibly have to talk about?"

L looked at him silently for a moment before uttering one word, "Ever."

"Oh."

Beyond sighed. He should have known. He knew Alta and Ever were still residing at Wammy House; of course it would be an issue with L. Can't have the spawn of the criminally insane residing with the gifted pure-minded children of tomorrow, can we? Beyond picked up his chair and crouched in it as well, staring pointedly at his hands. He refused to look L in the eyes; he refused to look at his face.

"As I'm sure you are aware, Miss Alta has opted to stay at Wammy's to live and teach."

"Yes," Beyond mumbled.

"My reason for this visit, which I'm sure you are curious about, is simply this . . . I'm here to assure you that your son will be taken care of. It is out of the ordinary for any child to be living at the school with a parent, but Watari has made an exception. I believe he is quite fond of Miss Alta and the child."

"You . . . you're letting him stay?"

"Yes."

"Even knowing that he's . . . that he's mine?"

"He isn't yours, not really. For him to be yours, you would have to be there. That is something you will never be."

"No, I won't, will I?" Beyond finally looked into the face of his enemy. "But, you will."

"Yes, I will."

"You understand then?"

"I believe we both do."

"She's not going to be happy about this."

"She doesn't have to know, if you don't wish it."

Beyond nodded slowly and watched L rise from his chair and leave the room. The guard came shortly after to take him back to his cell. He curled upon the bed and let silent tears fall. Alta would be angry if she ever found out, but he didn't really care. What he cared about was knowing Ever would eventually forget him. Ever would only know of L, and Beyond Birthday would no longer exist for him. As far as everyone involved was concerned, Ever belonged very much to L.

* * *

November 23, 2004

L was quite enjoying the scene before him. Light struggling to disentangle himself from a toddler while getting an occasional chocolate cereal puff flicked at the back of his head, courtesy of Mello. L thought he really ought to help, but he figured now was as good a time as any to get Light used to Mello and his antics. After many failed attempts, Light had managed to pry Ever off of his neck and strapped him into a high chair. He then managed to deflect several cereal pieces away from his face and smack them back at Mello.

"Mel, you know if you keep throwing those, you won't have any left to eat," said a red-headed teen.

The blond terror opened his mouth to make a clever retort. He quickly closed his mouth, flashed the other boy a dirty look and resumed eating. Light sat down next to the stripe and goggle clad teen, thankful that there seemed to be at least _one_ normal person here.

"I'm Matt," he said, not looking up from his hand held game. "The quiet one is Near, and you already know Mello and Ever. And of course, L."

"I'm Light," Light said, watching the one called Near with interest. Near was slowly twirling his hair, occasionally pausing to eat and placing cheerios on the tray of Ever's highchair. First one O, then two, then three, then five. After he placed a small pile of eight cereal bits in front of Ever, Light realized he was giving the toddler breakfast in a Fibonacci sequence. He looked at L leaning in the doorway. This is where he lived? Surrounded by quirky, possibly insane kids? Light stood up and began searching for coffee, he knew he needed it. He took two steps toward the counter when he felt a sharp pinch on his hand.

"OW!" Light looked down at a mischievously smiling Ever.

"He wants you near him. He's a very demanding little boy," Light heard a female voice say behind him.

"Uk if ooo," Mello exclaimed through a mouthful.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Mello. Now, swallow and say it again," she said.

Mello swallowed his chocolaty cereal.

"I _said_, 'Fuck, it's you'. Got a problem with that?"

"Mello, what have I said about swearing around little ears?"

"You'd cut my tongue out if I did it again," Mello droned.

"Yes, so I'll see you later." Mello's eyes became saucers as the young woman turned her attention once more to the new comer in the room. "And who might you be?"

Light began to speak but was interrupted by L.

"He is a friend. He'll also be assisting me in the future."

"I didn't ask you, L," Alta said. "And what do you mean, 'he'll be assisting you'? I thought that was already being done by these three. Surely _you_ shouldn't require more help."

"L?" Mello asked. "You aren't . . . getting rid of me, I mean, us . . .are you?"

L looked at Mello, worry etched across the teen's face.

"No, Mello, I am not." He turned to Alta. "I don't appreciate that you are already attempting to cause trouble. Isn't it a bit early?"

"It's never too early to cause trouble for you L."

To say that Light was confused would be an understatement. He'd never seen anyone talk to L that way. But, there L was, almost enjoying the complete lack of respect that girl had. Who the hell did she think she was? Didn't she know who she was talking to? Oh wait, she did, and suddenly Light had another question.

"L, why do they get to call you 'L' but I have to call you 'Ryuzaki'?" Light asked.

Mello's eyes widened in recognition. He knew that name. He also knew who else knew that name. L simply muttered a curse softly under his breath.

"Ryuzaki?" the girl whispered. She glanced at L. "You didn't."

"Alta, you need to remain calm."

"_CALM_! Remain _calm_? His _name_ L? You took his _name_?"

"I've been using it for some time now actually."

The loud cracking sound that came next seemed to reverberate throughout the room and four occupants flinched involuntarily. L didn't react to the slap, but he could feel the heat and the sting from Alta's hand.

"Why are you here! Why aren't you dead! You're supposed to be dead! Why didn't Kira kill you!?"

The air surrounding them suddenly became even more tense and silent. Light felt himself beginning to tremble slightly. He hadn't been expecting to hear that. He hadn't been expecting someone to wish L dead . . . killed by Kira.

"Kira," Light whispered, his whole body tense.

Matt glanced at him, noticing the older teen had begun to shake. He looked to Mello to see if he had noticed, but Mello was still staring at L. Near noticed though. Suddenly, this Light boy was very interesting to Near. Matt felt his stomach flip flop at the sudden spark in Near's eyes. That spark was never good. It spelled trouble of the worst kind, more horrible than Mello in a bad mood with no chocolate.

"Excuse me," Light said leaving the table and walking calmly from the room. He didn't notice the small child reaching for him expectantly or the disappointed look on Ever's face when he was ignored.

"Was that really necessary Alta? You've upset my friend."

"I don't care who I upset! Do you want me to apologize for making your little boy toy sad? Tough. It's not going to happen."

"You should apologize for calling him a boy toy. You should apologize for mentioning Kira as well."

"And why is that, L?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, Light is of Asian descent, specifically Japanese. Don't you think the idea of Kira would be very upsetting?"

"I'm sure it would be, but other people being upset over Kira doesn't actually matter to me. It's obvious Kira couldn't accomplish anything. You're still here."

L turned to leave the room and glanced over his shoulder to see something unexpected. His three heirs suddenly hitting the deck, cowering under the table and Ever wrapping a chubby hand around what appeared to be a butter knife. Ever then flung the knife with all his might, clapping his hands when the knife stuck tight into the wall. One by one, a red, a blond and white head popped slowly up and the boys once more sat in their seats.

"Well . . . that was . . . odd," L said. He looked to the boys. "How long has he been doing that?"

"A month," Mello said.

"Actually," Near said, "It has been twenty-seven days."

Mello threw his spoon at Near, wildly missing his mark.

"I hate you."

"I know," Near said. "I don't care."

L looked at Alta next.

"Why aren't you doing something about this? Why aren't you tending to your child?"

"He doesn't want me to. He prefers the company of others. Like father like son I suppose." And with that, she turned and left the room.

L sighed. Maybe bringing Light here hadn't been the best idea he'd ever had.

"Matt . . ."

"Don't worry about it L," Matt said. "I've got the little squirt covered. I've got lots of time today. No classes. So, go do what you got to do."

"I shouldn't require your assistance for very long."

L crouched down lower to speak to the knife throwing child.

"I must ask you to not do that again. I will be back for you. Can you remain with Matt for a short amount of time?"

Ever appeared to be contemplating the situation. He placed a thumb in his mouth and thoughtfully sucked upon it twice before solemnly nodding.

"Good. I shall see you soon." L patted his head and began the long trek to his room. He wasn't sure if that was where Light would be, but it made sense. It was the only other place he had been to. L sighed once more. It was going to be a long, long day if this morning was any indication.

* * *

L found him exactly where he thought he would be, curled up on his side on the bed staring out the window. He closed the door softly behind him and moved slowly toward Light.

"Go away L. Just, leave me alone for a while."

"I don't think that would be a very good idea."

"I don't really care what you think right now. I _know_ I want to be alone."

L sat down on the bed, his back facing Light. He knew there would be problems with the transition. Light had left everything he'd ever known, which was difficult enough. Now, with Alta, L was sure Light would be reminded of Kira everyday. He wouldn't be able to move on and try to put his life back together. He would have no escape from what he had done, who he had been. L had known this all along, he just thought there would have been more time. Seeing Alta the first day, first thing in the morning, had not been the plan. L had been confident they could have avoided seeing that spiteful young woman for at least a week.

"I won't leave you to cry alone, Light."

"I'm not crying. I don't cry."

"Is that a fact?"

"Yes."

L turned around and placed his hand on Light's cheek. Light flinched and pulled away.

"Very interesting," L said as he inspected the teardrops clinging to his fingers. "If you never cry, I would be very interested in finding out what exactly is leaking from your eyes."

Light rolled over to look at L. Tragic, L thought, just tragic what this boy has done to himself.

"L, please, just go."

"No. We need to discuss this. You can't go running off by yourself every time you hear 'Kira'."

Light flinched at the name.

"See?" L said. "You can't do that. It has to become just another word to you. Kira, Kira, Kira. It has to appear to mean nothing."

"I can't help it, L. I wasn't . . . prepared. I wasn't prepared to hear some strange woman say that she'd wanted you dead. She wished I had killed you!"

"She wished that Kira had killed me."

"Don't you dare say that that's not me or that it's something I would never do. We _both_ know that's not true. We both know I almost did kill you. We both know what I did."

"Yes, we do," L said, stroking Light's hair. "We are also two of the three people in this house that know. No one else does. No one you will meet here knows you were Kira. No one else has to."

"That doesn't make a difference."

"Doesn't it?"

"No. It doesn't matter who knows I'm Kira . . ."

"Was."

"Fine, _was_ Kira. It doesn't change the fact that I was. It doesn't change the fact that I'm evil."

L sighed. It seems Light wanted to have _this_ conversation again. L was so tired of this conversation.

"Light, this is the last time I'm going to say this. You are not evil. You possessed an evil object. The Shinigami that gave you that notebook held you under the threat of death for his entertainment. You were, and still are, a bored and self-righteous teenager. That does not make you evil."

Light sat up and stared at L.

"L, I _killed_ people! I even killed _innocent_ people. I killed them because they stood in my way! I tried to make myself a god! How in the world does that make me not evil! I should be punished! I should be dead!"

"Have you killed anyone since you told me about the death note?"

"No."

"Do you plan on killing anyone?"

"No!"

"And who's to say that you're not being punished?"

"How? How am I being punished L?"

"You're no longer allowed home. You'll never see your family again. Right now, you're stuck here, an orphanage in Winchester, surrounded by an inordinately large number of obnoxious, overly intelligent children. And, while we will be here for a while and return often, I highly doubt you will ever feel this is your home. On top of that, you have to assist me with my cases and do pretty much whatever I tell you, whenever I tell you. You have no say in the matter. You're stuck with me until one of us dies. That sounds like a punishment to me."

Light sat still for a moment, thinking, it appeared to L. He then reached over slightly and held L's hand loosely in his own before letting go once more, turning away again to lay down and continue gazing out the window.

"Being with you would never be a punishment, L. Remember? I watched the tape. You know you're why I gave it up. It wasn't because I felt guilty about what I'd done. It was because I'd had a plan to kill you and decided I'd rather be with you than have you dead."

L sighed again and lay down next to Light. He'd been sighing entirely too much lately.

"I'd rather we talked about something else entirely. This subject has been exhausted and is exhausting."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Who are the people I met? Specifically, those three boys."

"Those are my potential successors."

"Successors?"

"Yes. When I am dead or incapable of fulfilling my duties, one, possibly two, will inherit the title of L."

"Well, I'd go with the one that wears goggles and plays video games."

"Oh, really? Why is that?"

"He seems the most stable."

"You'd be correct in that assumption," L chuckled. "Matt is the most stable. He isn't though, the most intelligent."

"Which one of those weirdos is?"

"That would be Near, although Mello is very close behind."

"You're kidding."

L decided, since him and Light both knew he wasn't kidding, that a reply was not needed.

"Oh my god, you're not kidding." Light couldn't believe it. Once L was a crotchety old man, (he couldn't even consider L not being L any other way), one of those strange teenagers would be the new L. Mello, an obviously unstable cannon, or Near, a silent kid, (possible mute), who counts out cheerios in a Fibonacci sequence. Light didn't want to think about it, so he changed the subject.

"What's the story on the girl? And what's the story on Ever, for that matter? Why doesn't he talk?"

"The girl is Alta and she is Ever's mother. She used to be a successor as well, but circumstances changed and she decided she wanted no part of it. She's very bitter, about many things, and is mourning. Her grief, as you saw, manifests as anger."

"Who is she morning?"

"Ever's father. He died in January."

"And that's when Ever stopped talking?"

"Yes."

"How did he die?"

"He was killed."

"Killed? Was the killer ever caught?"

"Yes, he was."

"Who was it?"

L sat up. Too soon, he thought. This is too soon. Especially after all that had happened this morning. He knew though, that Light would find out eventually anyway. He had to learn to deal with what he'd done, even if he couldn't remember. It would do the boy no good to find out that L had known all along and never told him. Light would feel lied to, possibly even betrayed on some level. That would not do, so L got out of the bed and went to his desk. Light turned around and sat up, watching L produce a key from his pocket to unlock a drawer and pull out a file. L held it for a moment and then turned back and returned to the bed. He knelt upon the bed and held the file toward Light.

"L?" Light asked taking the thick file, a puzzled look on his face. L said nothing.

"L?" he asked again. "What is this? Why won't you answer me?" Please, he thought, please don't say me.

"You did, Light. You did."

* * *

A/N: Well, here it is, the next chapter. I TOLD you there'd be long bits of time in between updates. Although, this break wasn't due to any laziness on my part. It's because I moved and now share a computer with two room mates. On top of finally finding a job and the regular stress of moving...well it took a bit of finagling to find the time to write anything. I hope it was worth the wait. If anyone seems severely OOC, let me know.

Amo

* * *


	6. Sons

January 24, 2004

January 24, 2004

L was crouched in his chair, combing yet again through the various pieces of evidence gathered for the Kira case. There was so much of it, yet so little. He had his suspicions as to who the culprit was, but without any physical evidence…

That was the frustrating part about revealing himself, the few members of the task force constantly questioning and second guessing him. He was L damn it! He didn't answer to _anyone_, and certainly not the NPA. Normally, he would have simply had the suspect detained while he went about putting the evidentiary puzzle pieces together. This time, that method was out of the question. Not only was the only _true_ suspect apparently a good and law abiding teenager set for college, he was also the only son of a well respected member of the NPA and newly formed Kira Taskforce. And, while L could give a damn about familial ties, he had opted to handle the situation with a bit more tact and understanding then was the norm. Of course, being L, that didn't mean it was a _lot_ of tact and understanding.

L surveyed his small team. All were hard at work, all wanted to catch Kira, all had been extremely shocked at the site of L. He'd always felt he may have been an odd looking sort of fellow. Not unattractive3 by any means, just _different_. From the reactions of the detectives, he wasn't so sure. He also knew his age had been a bit of a surprise to them as well. He was much younger than most of them, with the exception of Matsuda, who was only a year his senior. L glanced at the young detective, hard at work, brows knitted together in concentration. The sight of Matsuda always made him smile inside. Outwardly, he would never show it. Sighing softly to himself, he held another paper to his face and continued his search. He had already received the lists of criminals killed in Japan the day and night before. He was, however, still waiting for the overseas lists. They always arrived later in the morning and were days old. Yet another thing about the Kira case to frustrate and annoy him. He never minded traveling should a case require it. What he did mind was a case that spanned the entire planet.

He heard a door open and then close behind him. That would be Watari with the list, L thought.

He held his arm up and behind him so Watari could simply hand it over and then go about his own business. Instead, Watari placed his gentle hand on L's left shoulder, causing L to turn his heard and look. The first thing L noticed were his eyes. They were red-rimmed and appeared shiny with unshed tears. L also noticed the hand that still held the paper was trembling slightly.

"Watari?" L whispered.

Watari softly cleared his throat before answering in a tone just above a whisper.

"Here are the lists from North and South America."

His hand was still shaking as he handed the papers to L. He squeezed his shoulder once more and walked away, disappearing into one of the bedrooms in the suite.

What on earth could have upset him so? L thought to himself. He glanced quickly at the paper in his hand. Surely not . . .

He looked once more toward the closed door before taking a closer look at the list. He scanned the first page quickly. All names and crimes that meant nothing to him. Allen, Mary; Archer, Sebastian; Azure, Michael. Nothing out of the ordinary; a murderess, a rapist, a cat thief with a rap sheet a mile long. It wasn't until the middle of the second page that he understood why Watari had looked upset. There on the page were the words Birthday, Beyond, homicide and a date of January 21, 2004. Three days. Beyond had been dead for three days and he hadn't known. He felt what little colour he had slowly slip from his face. He couldn't pretend he hadn't thought about the possibility of B's death. Once it was obvious Kira was focusing on already convicted criminals the likelihood that B would be a target had increased. Yes, he had thought B would died. He had hoped though that Kira would have been caught before it had happened.

"Ryuzaki? Are . . . are you alright?"

L looked over at Matsuda, blinking. Of course he was alright. Why wouldn't he be?

"I'm fine, Matsui. Why do you ask?"

"It's just, um, well . . . you dropped everything and gone even paler than usual."

L looked at the scattered papers on the floor. He hadn't even realized he'd dropped them. He looked again at Matsuda. Worry was clearly etched across the detectives face. He should learn how to mask his emotions, L thought. A few more years in homicide will fix that. Although, that would also be a shame, but losing pieces of one's humanity always is.

"Go home."

"Wh . . . what?" Matsuda stammered.

"Go home. All of you. Take the day. Do with it what you will. This will be the last chance for a holiday in a while."

There were the expected grumblings and exclamations. Aizawa bellowing in his way, thinking an offer of a day off a personal insult. After all, Kira never took a day off, why should they? Yagami, appearing even more exhausted than usual, also protested. Kira must be caught, and they must pursue him diligently. Mogi remained his silent, stoic self. After much protesting, blustering, and ill-concealed excitement on Matsuda's part, the taskforce shuffled out. L rose from his chair and knocked softly on Watari's door.

"Watari, may I come in?"

A muffled assent, and L opened the door to see Watari closing his cell phone, looking even more distraught then before.

"Watari?"

He looked at L with an expression he couldn't describe.

"Yes, my boy. What can I do fore you?"

L hated the subservient tone in Watari's voice. If anyone in that room should be subservient to anyone . . . it was him.

"Are you . . . alright?" he hated the echo of Matsuda that came from his mouth.

"No, L, I am not." Watari brought a hand up to cradle his own cheek. "A child previously in my care has died. No, I am not alright."

"B was no child."

"It doesn't matter. He will always be so to me. All of you will." He paused to examine the myriad of spots and lines upon his hands. "With this event, it seems my failings in life have become inexcusable."

"Failings?"

"I've failed you all. B, C, A, Mello, Near, Matt . . . you."

"You haven't failed any of us."

Watari shook his head slowly.

"That you can't see it is proof I have. I thought to save the world with you all. Change it, make it better. You were all my legacy of sorts. Instead, I helped create a murderer, another killed by his own hand, a girl who hates all and trusts no one, a teen boy with an inferiority complex so massive I see it never going away, a child that prefers inanimate objects to people and another that is content to live his life in the shadow of another."

L had mentally paired up a name with every description and found one from the list missing.

"And me, how do you believe you've failed me?"

Watari peered into the murky depths of L's eyes.

"L, look at yourself. I have made you both less and more than human. You have emotions, but never show or use them. You haven't even cried since you were a child and then it was from falling from a tree. Everything is logic and numbers. To you, a crime of passion is no different than a contract killing."

"Murder is murder, Watari. The circumstances make no difference."

"But they should L, they should."

L had no clue what to say to that. He'd never felt Watari had failed him. He was the closest thing to a parent he had. As for being without emotions . .. when had emotions ever solved cases? It would do the world no good to be a blubbering emotional wreck when there were crimes to solve. One cannot be Justice while sobbing and sniffling into a hankie. L decided to change the subject, however minimally.

"Were you speaking with Roger?"

Watari exhaled slowly, "Yes."

"I assume she knows as well then."

"Yes, she was actually informed first. The hospital called her the afternoon of the twenty second. It seems she was listed as his next of kin. Roger was also informed that day, but thought it best not to call. He knew we would learn of it soon after."

"How is she taking it?"

"She's hysterical, L. Roger says she's been screaming almost non-stop. He also says she's completely destroyed the contents of her room and yours. And of course, she keeps saying how you are to blame, how much she hates you, and that Kira should get you next. I think it's safe to say she wants your blood more than Kira ever has."

"I expected as much," L said. He was quite certain, should he survive this case, that going back home would prove to be . .. unpleasant, at least for a while. "And the boy?"

"Needless to say, he doesn't quite understand the concept of death. He does know his mother has become frightening. Roger says he runs from any room she is in and has become quite attached to Mello, Matt and Near. He also hasn't spoken for the past few days. I'm sure that will pass."

L turned away and headed for the main room. He would not be taking the day off. He paused and turned once more to Watari.

"Don't be sure of anything where Beyond Birthday is concerned. Not even his child."

January 22, 2004

Mello remembered that day. He'd been sleeping, dreaming a now forgotten peaceful dream. The screaming and wailing had pulled him harshly from his slumber, wide-eyed and petrified, his shouts joining the ones reverberating in the halls. The next thing he remembered was a lightning fast bundle launching itself through his doorway and onto his bed, burrowing under his blankets. He had lifted the covers to see the unruly dark hair of a quivering Ever.

"Ever, what's wrong? What's happening?" Mello asked, pulling the boy closer.

"Mommy scary."

Mello held him tighter. He'd seen Miss Alta on the warpath before, but this . . . _this_ sounded much worse then anything he'd ever heard before.

He shouldn't have cared, he really shouldn't. He knew all about Ever's father, who he was, what he had done; L had spoken with him about it. Mello wanted to hate anything and anyone that had anything to do with Beyond Birthday. But, as hard as he tried, he couldn't do it. He couldn't for two reasons. Ever, well he looked too much like L and Mello could never hate L, therefore could not hate Ever. The second reason, the one that made him ashamed of himself, was more complicated. He couldn't hate, truly hate, Beyond Birthday because he _understood_ him. He understood what it meant to be second best, always number two never number one. Would he have gone to the lengths Beyond did to ruin his rival? Probably. As he looked down at the toddler sucking his thumb and shaking in his arms, he knew he would always make sure he would never feel second best, even if he was.

"Ever, let's go find Matt. I bet he'll let you play one of his video games."

Ever nodded. They wouldn't figure out for some weeks that he wasn't talking. Only Mello would know what the boy's last words had been.

May 27, 2005

The days had gradually turned to months. Light hadn't initially reacted will to being in such close proximity to the child of a man he had 'judged'. Right so, L thought. L himself now harbored minor feelings of guilt about Beyond. Though, he was sure what he felt was nothing compared to Light. L was sure was sure with the passing of time, Light would come to terms with himself. Ever was also doing his part, however unintentionally. The child seemed to have developed quite the attachment to Light and very rarely was one seen without the other. All in all, L was quite happy with the way things were progressing. Sure, there was the occasional verbal spat with Mello to contend with, but after one or two physical altercations between them, things seemed to have cooled down. Once Mello had worked out exactly what Light was to L, he'd become quite upset. L would have ventured a guess that the boy was jealous, but thought nothing of it. The fight they had, or at least the one L witnessed, was quite vicious. L had been surprised at the lack of serious injuries. Someone should have sprained or broken _something_, but they had walked away, (rather, they'd been pulled away). Mello's nose had been bleeding. Light had a split lip and both ended up with black eyes. Nothing and no one in the vicinity had escaped unscathed. Bookshelves had been knocked over from bodies slamming into them, tables over turned, lamps broken. Near had been kicked in the head by Mello. L was positive that hadn't been an accident. And, after getting the wind knocked out of him, L learned it was best to let them have at it. The room was destroyed, Near was most likely suffering a concussion after taking a boot to the head, and L had had _enough. _He'd stepped between them, intending to end all the nonsense. Unfortunately, Mello had been mid-punch and was unable to stop his fist from connecting with L's stomach.

"Fuck!" his eyes blazed with a renewed fury. "Look what you made me do!" and Mello launched himself toward Light once more. Not long after, Matt had appeared to pull Mello away, kicking and screaming, and L had done the same for Light.

L chuckled to himself and continued working on his latest case. Well, Danuve's latest anyway. L was off-duty for now. He'd done some of the initial work for this case and was now preparing to assign it to Near for completion.

"What are you laughing about?" Light asked. He and Ever were on the floor, working a solid blue colored puzzle.

"You and Mello."

"Mello," Light narrowed his eyes. "Stupid twat."

L's eyes widened in surprise.

"While it's nice to hear you're picking up the slang, I would prefer you _not_ say that particular word around Ever."

"Why not?" Light shrugged. "It's not like he's going to say it. Right, Ever?"

Ever shook his head and lay the last puzzle piece in place.

"Light, that's not the point."

"Then, what is the point?"

"Just don't do it. He could very well talk again, and I don't want the first thing he says to be 'Mello's a stupid twat'."

Light snorted, "Well, it would be even worse for him to not say it. Can't have the boy tell lies now, can we?"

Ever stood up and walked to the window as Light put the puzzle in its box.

"I believe young Ever wants to go outside."

"Wow! Really? I never would have guessed," Light said.

"You know I hate sarcasm."

"That's not all you hate," Light muttered.

L stopped typing and closed his laptop.

"Okay, what is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Light said.

"You've been sarcastic and snippy all week. It's obvious you're upset or angry about something. What is it?"

"Nothing I would care to discuss with you at the moment," Light said looking at Ever pointedly.

"Find," L said turning back to his computer. "But, I expect to finish this conversation by the end of the day."

"Oh, I _expect_ you do," Light snipped back.

L watched, bewildered, as Light and a very conflicted looking Ever exited the room.

"What the hell," mumbled L, "is _that_ all about?" Maybe Light and Mello fighting was a good thing. At the very least, they had allowed Light to take his aggressions out on Mello instead of L. Now, L had to deal with it. Teenagers, he thought. The only thing that could make this day worse was . . .

Knock, knock.

"L? Can I come in?" came the muffled voice behind the door.

"Yes," L said turning off his computer. It was clear there would be no work done today. Matt sheepishly poked his head in the room.

"Hi," he said.

"What can I do for you, Matt?"

"Well, ok. You know how I hardly bother you unless it's really important? Like, when Mello's going to kill Near or something?"

"Yes."

"Well, this isn't nearly as serious, but it worried me."

"What is it?"

"I was with Miss Alta in her classroom. I don't mind her and I needed help with some verb conjugations. Things were all cool. But, she sort of started flipping out and kept saying she saw something weird by the apple trees. But, L I swear I looked, and there was nothing there!"

L sat completely still for a moment, digesting this information. Alta had the eyes. Maybe being born with them made you exempt from some of the death note rules. She must have seen the shinigami in the orchard.

"Thank you, Matt," L said standing. "I should make sure she's okay."

"Uh, are you sure? You're not exactly her favorite person. I thought maybe Roger or Mr. Wammy could . . ."

"No, I'll handle this. It's better if I do."

Alta had gone to her room. Whatever that _thing_ outside was, she didn't want to see it anymore. She felt remarkably calm, considering. She knew she shouldn't have reacted the way she had. Hell, that had been one of the first lessons they'd been taught; Never reveal what you're truly feeling or thinking. Like so many other lessons, she'd failed miserably. A soft tapping sound brought her out of her reverie. She'd wondered if he would actually come to see her. She'd already imagined the conversation.

_We really think it's time for you to move on. Frankly, you're too crazy even for this place._

Taking a deep breath, she crossed her room and opened the door. L was there, slouching in his usual way. Just seeing him made her stomach turn and steal her breath away at the same time. It just wasn't fair! Why should they both look so much alike? Why had this one returned to this place? Didn't he even understand what he was doing to her? Did he care? She already knew the answers; 'probably not' and 'no'.

"Miss Alta."

"L." she raised an eyebrow. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Matt was worried."

"Ah." An uncomfortable silence descended up them. Tense seconds passed slowly.

"Alta ... speaking to you whilst in the hallway is rude on your part and unseemly on mine. You know why I'm really here and you also know it's not a conversation one should have in the hall."

"I know. Come in. I apologize."

L's eyes widened in surprise. He'd expected much more resistance. Hmm . . . he crossed the threshold of the room and closed the door behind him. She'd already made herself comfortable in one of the large wingback chairs so he did the same.

"I didn't frighten Matt too much, did I?"

"No, just worried him. After rooming with Mello, I doubt anything in the world could actually scare that boy."

"No, there isn't. Maybe taking away his games, they're quite the security blanket for him."

"Yes, well, we aren't here to discuss Matt's insecurities."

"Getting right to the point are we?"

"As always."

"Then, I will too. What the _hell_ is the thing in the orchard?"

"That thing is a shinigami. He goes by the name of Ryuk. I'd advise you to keep away from him. He tends to become bored easily and when bored, he's a troublemaker."

Alta stared at L in disbelief.

"A shinigami?" she blinked. "You brought a shinigami back with you from Japan?"

She shook her head slightly and held a hand to her brow.

"L, only you could go to the other side of the world and come back with a God of Death _and _a boyfriend. What's next? Are you going to tell me you also have the tooth fairy or St. Nicholas hiding in your room as well?"

"This is a serious subject, Alta," L said, drumming his fingers on his knees. "Let's try to keep the tone the same," L paused and placed a thumb thoughtfully under his lip. "And he's not a boyfriend."

"Call it what you will. He's obviously someone you care about and trust or he wouldn't be here. And I should hope you're sleeping with him. He's too pretty not to be slept with."

"You have no shame do you?"

"Not anymore," she said, frowning slightly.

"Now, to the matter at hand," L said shifting gears. "The shinigami you can see, I can see as well."

Alta frowned.

"But, you shouldn't be able to. I can still see-"

"My name and my day of death. I know."

"How! How do you know! I never told anyone and I know _he_ never told you."

"I learned of the shinigami eyes while on the Kira case. I wish I had known before. I might not have revealed myself. But, I know you wanted me dead, so I understand why you didn't tell me. Honestly, I still may not have believed you."

She had kept her gaze locked upon an errant carpet thread. She knew she should have told L, she knew it would have helped. She just couldn't do it. Helping L would have been the same as betraying Beyond. Of course, not helping L was helping Kira, another betrayal. She had been so torn at the time. She hadn't really wished L dead; she had just missed Beyond more.

"I just want to ask you a few questions about your gift."

"What do you want to know?" She was tired, so tired of hiding this secret that wasn't a secret anymore.

"Tell me anything you can."

"There really isn't much to say. I've had this all my life. So did B . . . Beyond. I believe Ever does as well."

"Yes, he does. When he first met Light, he was writing the kanji for his name and a series of numbers on a paper. I didn't allow him to complete the number sequence."

"What does any of this have to do with that hideous shinigami?"

"Quite a lot actually. The second Kira traded half of their own lifespan for the ability. It made killing much easier. The third traded as well."

"And the first?"

"The first Kira would never have done something so foolish."

Alta thought she detected a bit of pride in his tone. It made sense. Kira had been an adversary truly worthy of L. It would fit that L's nemesis would have earned his respect.

"How is it you can see the shinigami?"

"I own something that belongs to him. I've also made a deal with him to keep certain persons safe."

"Light." It wasn't a question and she received no reply.

She left her chair and began pacing across the room. "Is he dangerous?"

"I would say no. Only to me or Light. He is rather disturbing to see though. You might want to prepare your son. I have no doubt he will be able to see it too."

"Why don't you tell him?"

L raised a brow and cocked his head to the side. "Is there any particular reason why his mother shouldn't be the one to tell him?"

"Because . . . because he's still afraid of me. He doesn't want anything to do with me. The only time he's around me is when he's sleeping and even then I'm sure he doesn't want to be."

There it was, her failure, out in the open for L to see. Her shame was a palpable force in that room. What made it worse were the things she hadn't said. She still could barely look at her son. His resemblance to Beyond was too great, her grief over the loss of her friend still too new. Hell, even seeing L, here in this room, just sitting there, felt like someone re-opening scars.

"He's afraid of you," L said. "That does pose a problem."

He appeared to be thinking deeply when suddenly he hopped from the chair.

"I have no desire to cause Ever any undue stress. I shall be the one to inform him of the shinigami."

L crossed the room quickly, only to pause once more at the door, his delicate fingers gently resting on the handle.

"I don't believe he's afraid of you. Sons love their mothers. It's what they do. It's the only thing I remember. The one who is afraid is you."


	7. Sacrifice

May 27, 2005 11:30 p

May 27, 2005 11:30 p.m.

It was quiet and dark. The only illumination was the soft glow of moonlight through the window. Moonlight. It was the only light that made everyone appear beautiful. L stood in the middle of the room, watching Light watching him. Standing for the first time in his life completely speechless. No one had ever asked him the question Light had posed. He didn't really know how to answer it. He did know the longer he took to answer, the more heartbroken the look on Light's face would become.

"I don't know."

Whatever Light had been expecting, 'I don't know' hadn't been it.

"You don't know?" he said softly. "After all that's happened, you don't know?" He sighed and looked out the window. "If you don't know, what am I doing here? Why am I here at all? You must need me for _something_. I'm just confused as to what it is."

L rubbed his ankle with his foot nervously. Did he need Light? He needed to watch him. He needed to make sure he never held another death note. He needed to keep him close always, but was it because he wanted him close or because Light was still Kira? He would always be Kira, whether he remembered or not, whether he ever wrote another name or not. Did he _need_ him?

Light stood from the bed and crossed the room. He paused next to L and brushed his fingertips against the back of L's hand.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter, so you don't have to answer." He started to walk away to dress for bed when he felt L grasp his hand.

"I do."

"What?" Light said, frowning slightly.

"I do. I do need you. I don't like that I do. I shouldn't need or want anyone or anything. I should be a stone by now. I shouldn't have brought you back here with me, but I can't seem to regret it. It was selfish on my part. You most likely would have been fine if left to your own devices in Japan. I could have always sent various agents to check on you and we never needed to see each other again. But, I couldn't because I knew I would miss you, and I'd already missed you enough. I . . . didn't . . . I didn't want to feel that lonely again."

"You always say you missed me. I never left. I was always there."

"No, you were gone," L said, placing a hand on Light's cheek. "This part of you, the part that is earnest and passionate and kind, this part was gone. All that was attached to me after Higuchi died was Kira."

"L, Kira is just as much a part of me as those other qualities. I may not have the means to be Kira anymore, but that sense of justice is still there. I don't think my ideals were entirely wrong, just my methodology. And I'm not fooling myself for one second by thinking, if given the opportunity, I wouldn't do it again. Or even that I wouldn't do it all over again if I could go back to the beginning. As a matter of fact, I _know_ I would do it again. Is that something you're prepared to live with? You can always send me away if it's not."

"No, that's not an option. I care about you too much to send you away."

"You do?" Light closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Why couldn't you just say so before?"

"It's, it's difficult for me, Light. Do you think for one moment that there's been anyone who's managed to get this close to me? Anyone who's ever made me feel . . . this?"

"Do you trust me, L?"

"Yes. If I didn't trust you, I never would have given you my name."

"Then why haven't you ever asked me to assist you on any of your cases?"

"I thought, when you were ready, you would ask me."

"I thought you didn't want me to. I thought you were just keeping me around to keep Ever occupied."

"Does he bother you so much?"

"No, no it's not that. I just felt like some sort of nanny or Alta's unpaid teaching assistant."

"I suppose I thought if you didn't like being with Ever or working with Alta you would have refused to do it. Besides, if you stopped assisting Alta, I think the children in her class would be heartbroken. You seem to keep her calm, and that produces a more conducive learning environment for the children. Plus, I think most of the girls in that class have crushes on you. Linda in particular."

I do enjoy it. It does hurt my ears to hear the way they butcher my language though. Alta isn't really so bad either. After getting to know her a bit, she's really very pleasant. Her only problem is she had as many people skills as the rest of you, which is to say none at all. Maybe Roger should hire a teacher for that? And I think you're right about Linda. She's always asking if she can draw my portrait for her art classes."

"When I get a case you might be interested in, I'll tell you. I've been farming out the boring ones to Mello and Near anyway. You haven't missed much."

"What about Matt? Does he ever get any cases?"

L nibbled his thumb in thought.

"Hmm . . . sometimes. I ask him, but he usually passes. He's not really interested in it. He's pretty happy with his computers and doing whatever Mello tells him. Not that he's a pushover, not by any means. But, he's taken on the role of Mello's shadow and seems happy."

"Seeming happy isn't the same as being happy."

"The appearance of happiness is subjective. When have I ever looked happy to an outside observer?"

"Never," Light admitted.

"I assure you, I am quite happy."

L leaned forward slightly to capture Light's lips. Light let out a small gasp that never failed to arouse L. Fingers threaded through strands of hair, buttons were slowly undone, shirts pulled away from bodies, and they slowly inched their way toward the bed.

March 15 2000

Beyond knew he had to think of a plan to outwit and surpass L. The problem was, he couldn't think of one. He was frustrated to no end by that that fact. There he was some sort of super genius, and he couldn't even think of a decent clever way to get L to take notice. It made him feel stupid. I made him feel like a normal person. He hated feeling normal. He wasn't normal. He was better then that. He shook his head slowly and placed the paint he'd been looking at back on the shelf. He really wanted it, but funds were low. He knew he could just steal it, but something kept him from committing petty larceny. He was above it. He was beyond it. He chuckled slightly at the bad pun. All he really wanted to do right now, was paint. He'd stumbled upon a beautiful piece of canvas the other night and it was begging to be transformed into a work of art. Beyond was nothing, if not an artist. Even the most grotesque of images could be beautiful with the right amount of talent.

He glanced around him, pausing as the elderly woman comparing the prices of some paintbrushes. Brionny Baxter. Her numbers were racing past. He remembered when he was younger, that used to upset him. Now, it was nothing. It was just something that happened, something mundane, like brushing your teeth.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as the number stopped, then disappeared altogether. This was the part he always found interesting. He never knew how they would die. Sometimes, the method of their death shocked the hell out of him. Heart attack, stroke, hit and run, stabbing . . . you never could tell. She brought her hand to her head, as though she had a headache, and slowly crumpled to the floor. Looked like a cerebral hemorrhage, but he wasn't sure.

That's when a thought struck him. Brionny Baxter. B. B. Beyond Birthday. B. B. If Beyond started killing people, L would come after him. L after Beyond Birthday. L.A.B.B. LA . . . Los Angeles. He knew where he should go. He knew what he needed to do. It all just hinged on two things. Could he find the right people, with the right names, with the right death day? Could he actually kill a person? No, he thought, he couldn't. But, he could transform them into pieces of art. He wouldn't live forever, no one could. But, his art might. Sacrifices were made for art. Sacrifices were made for people. He wondered would anyone sacrifice themselves for him. Or for L? He doubted it.

October 29, 2005

Light peered over his teacup to survey the latest move made on the chessboard. If there was one thing he loved about England, it was being surrounded by decent chess players. His father had taught him to play and he had quickly overtaken him. All throughout his schooling he had played, but never found an opponent to really challenge him and he had become bored with the game. Then, L had entered his life and soundly beat him game after game. He had never known a victory so sweet until the day he had finally defeated L in chess. Now, he had not only L to challenge but also Near, Mello, Matt and Alta. Matt had been an indifferent player, not caring if he won or lost. Mello, on the other hand, had been ferocious. Each piece had been slammed against the board with force, his lips smirking in triumph when he believed the game already won. They fury he had exhibited on losing would have frightened Light if he hadn't been expecting it. Mello had flung the board across the room, breaking the glass pawns in the process. Light had, at one point, toyed with the idea of letting Mello win just to avoid the inevitable tantrum. In the long run, though, he had decided that to let Mello win wouldn't be in the boy's best interest. Mello needed to learn to lose with dignity. Light was pretty sure that would be a lesson hard won, or not at all. Near played like, well, Near. He seemed indifferent, and appeared to not pay attention. Light had honestly believed he had been too wrapped up in his blocks to be truly playing chess. No one had been more surprised than he when Near mumbled a soft 'checkmate' and gathered his toys and left the room. Playing chess with Alta on the other hand . . .

"Why in god's name does it take you so damn long to make a move!"

Light rolled his eyes out of habit.

"Because, not all of us just move our pieces wherever we feel like it. It's called strategy, Alta. You should look into it."

"Pfft," she said, sitting back against her chair. "The pieces move a certain way, you pick where you want them to go. It's no big deal. Besides, I've already got your queen. The game's practically over."

Not necessarily."

"I'm bored with this."

"You're always bored with this. I'd like to actually _finish_ the game this time."

"This is so stupid! I hate chess. I don't even know why I play this with you. It's boring. It's the most boring of all boring games."

Light moved his piece. "I'm aware of that. You say so every time. The game's almost done. It won't kill you to finish this one."

"I haven't finished a game of chess in my entire life, and I'm not about to start with you, pretty boy."

Light placed his cup on the table and crossed his arms. "How many times do I have to tell you to quit calling me that?"

"When you quit asking to play stupid chess, I'll quit calling you pretty boy, pretty boy."

"Fine," he said with a sigh. "You win. I'm done. Game over. No more chess. You whine too much for it to be enjoyable."

"Excellent." A small, evil sort of grin shaped her lips. "Now, on to more important, more _fun_ things."

"No. Don't even ask."

"Oh come on! I played stupid chess."

"You've never even finished!"

"Yeah, well, not the point. I _started_ playing."

"How many months have you been 'starting to play'? It's annoying and frustrating. So, no, I will not be doing what you're thinking of asking me to do."

"I don't care if you're annoyed and frustrated. But, you should care if I'm annoyed and frustrated. And I'm annoyed that I've yet to play high stakes strip poker!"

"No. There's only one person here who gets to see me naked and that person is not you."

The atmosphere of the room changed as quickly as the expression on her face. What moments before had been a smile, now disappeared and became a straight line.

"Play time is over. I think it's time for you to leave."

Any other day, he would have. But, not today. He was tired of this happening. Even when he mentioned L in a round-a-bout way she did this. Months had been spent like this: Night fell, Ever slept, Mello and Matt fought or hung out together, Near stayed within his self-imposed seclusion, L and Light worked cases together, and Alta remained alone. It had bothered Light because he knew he was the main reason she was alone. He'd killed someone precious to her and he had to make it right somehow. So, he'd begun knocking on her door to invite her to play chess and have tea. She refused to go to the common room, so had invited him into her room. Now, when Light didn't have a case or when he was just plain bored, he would go to her room and find a chess board and tea waiting for him. Other nights, the nights when Ever refused to let his mother put him to bed, Light would make sure Ever was tucked in, then visit with Alta without the excuse of a chess game. The one unspoken catch to this outwardly pleasant and friendly situation was that Light never speak to her of L. He almost had to pretend L didn't exist, and he hated doing that. There were very few specific people in the world Light cared about, (he couldn't have used both hands to count them), and L was one of those people. It didn't make sense to not talk about him with someone he considered a friend.

"I'm not leaving, Alta."

Surprise. That's what she felt, pure and simple. He'd never refused to leave before. He'd always left when she told him to. She knew it was silly of her, not wanting him to even mention L's name. But, stupid and irrational though it may be, it was all she felt she had to hold on to. She couldn't control L, and a part of her didn't want to, but she could control whether or not his boyfriend could babble incessantly about him. _OK_, she thought, _that's not fair either. Light doesn't babble, and he hardly ever mentions L. Hell, he barely even _hints_ at L's existence. But, even the little he does makes me so angry. And now, _now _he's not even going to leave._

"Oh yes you are."

"No, I'm not. This is childish and ridiculous and I'm not leaving because of it. I don't even say his name and you get angry. I don't know what happened between you two to make you hate him so much, and frankly, I don't care. But, what I do care about is being forced by you to not speak about him or made to leave you presence by the mere mention of him."

"No, you need to leave. I should check to see if Ever is . . ."

"He's sleeping and we both know it. You don't need to check on him."

"Light . . ." She brought her head to her hands and slumped lower in her chair. "I just ... you can't . . . you don't understand. You couldn't understand."

"Then make me understand."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I'm not leaving until you do."

Alta decided then and there, she really hated stubborn men.

"Have you ever seen a picture of Ever's father?"

"Yes. I read his file once, not long after I arrived here."

"What did he look like?"

"Well," Light thought a moment, "he was very heavily scarred so it was hard to tell really. What hair I could see was dark, as were his eyes."

"Haven't you wondered why Ever and L look so much alike?"

"Of course I have."

"They look alike because L and B looked alike. There were small differences, like eye colour, but all in all they were the same. B was more emotional I'd say, and his laugh a bit creepy. I've never heard L laugh, so I can't compare those. But, their faces . . . their faces were the same."

"Exactly?"

"Yes. If they'd had living mothers, I doubt they would have been able to tell them apart."

"So, because they looked the same, you don't want to have anything to do with L."

"It's not just that. It was the way L was when it came to B. But, also, when I see L or hear about him, the image I see in my mind is of B and it makes my chest feel like it will burst. Even looking at Ever . . . is difficult. He was my friend, Light. He was my friend and I miss him. I know it will hurt less as time passes, but how long?"

"Did you love him?" Light asked her.

"I don't like to say so, but, I did. Do you know how difficult it is to admit to yourself or anyone else that you loved someone that could kill people? Just kill them because they felt justified, because they had a 'cause'. What kind of person does that make me, that I could love someone like that?" She didn't know when she'd started crying. She didn't know she'd been crying at all until Light moved her hand from her face and handed her a tissue. She brushed away her tears and Light stated to slowly stroke her hair. The way, she supposed, a brother would. She looked up at him and saw what appeared to be a war being fought across the features of his face. Finally, he inhaled and exhaled deeply before speaking softly to her.

"You're right. I can't ever know what it feels like to love someone who's killed before. I'll never know." He walked across the room to the door. "But, L does," he whispered before leaving.

Twenty minutes later, she whispered the name "Kira".

At the same moment, L stared, shocked, at a penitent appearing Light.

"What the hell did you do? Why confess something like that to her of all people? Why confess at all! If you wanted to confess so badly, I could have found you a priest! There are churches _everywhere_!"

"I'm sorry, L. It just felt . . . right."

"Well, hooray for you! There's only so much I can do about this. I'm not a super hero! And you've just confessed to killing the father of her only child! Didn't you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she'd fly into a rage? She's going to want your blood, and she's intelligent enough to figure out how to do it. She had a child with a serial killer for Christ sake!"

"Oh, is it only bad to love a murderer if you've had children with them?"

"Don't start."

"No, _you _don't start. I'm tired L. I'm tired of being cooped up here. I'm tired of all these damn kids. I'm tired of not remembering. And I'm tired of staring my guilt in the face every single goddamned day! She of all people should know exactly what I am!"

"So, should I print up a list of addresses and phone numbers for the families of all the dead criminals for you? Would you like to go door to door and apologize to them for murdering their husbands and sons and wives and daughters?"

"Right now, I can't even express how much I hate you," Light said, narrowing his eyes. "I'm finding somewhere else to sleep tonight."

"It must be nice to be able to sleep."

Light tightened his lips and felt the muscles in his jaw twitch. He thought of a million things he could have said, but decided a slamming door was the only answer L deserved.

October 30, 2005

"Kira! He's fucking Kira! What the fuck is wrong with this picture!"

"Please, keep your voice down. There is no need to announce it to the entire world."

"Oh, I'm _sorry_. I forgot Wammy House was a safe haven for mass-murderers. Oh wait, it's fucking _not_!"

L was exhausted. Alta had been ranting and raving for hours now and L was in no mood for it. After last night's 'discussion' with Light and his own emotional outburst, he simply had no desire to deal with anyone else's emotions. _Good God_, he thought, mentally rolling his eyes. _Isn't there some sort of medication she could take to not be like this? Prozac? Zoloft? Halidol maybe?_

"Yes," he said calmly. "He was, at one time, Kira."

"Was?"

"Don't interrupt me. Yes, _was_. He isn't Kira now. He doesn't remember being Kira. He's harmless. As harmless as any other person."

"Harmless! Kira is _not_ harmless!"

"He isn't Kira."

"Why can't he remember?"

"The thing which caused him to become Kira is no longer in his possession."

"Why has this 'thing' now? And what was it?"

"It was a notebook of supernatural ilk. The shinigami call it a death note. I have them now."

"So, you can kill. You're Kira now."

"No. They're locked away and I've no desire to judge the world or to rule over it."

"They're in the Vault."

"Correct."

"I think you should start at the beginning so I can understand."

L tossed some sugar cubes into his tea and nodded.

"I agree."

Hours later, Alta sat in stunned silence. Killing notebooks, bored shinigami, dead FBI agents, and a self-righteous teenager; these were the things that had made up the Kira case. It had been a complex game of cat and mouse, more convoluted then anything Sir Arthur Conan Doyle could put to paper. The twist in this detective story, however, wasn't a plummet over Reichenbach Falls. It was a case of Sherlock and Moriarty falling in love.

She looked at L for a moment before quietly saying, "Keep him from me and my son."

"Are you sure? Ever has become fond of him."

"I don't care. I don't want him near my child. He doesn't need to be fond of his father's killer."

"I'll do what I can, but I'll make no promises."

"You never do."

L didn't feel he should mention that Ever was with Light right now. They had gone outside and into the orchard. He looked up from his tea and noticed Alta holding her breath and staring at him.

"Aren't you a little old to be trying to go blue in the face to get what you want?"

She released the air she'd been holding in her lungs.

"L, I'm not sure but, I think something's happened."

"What makes you say that?"

She didn't want to say that she had sat and watched as the numbers floating over L had ticked off in a rapid succession until there were only hours left. She bit her lip and looked away.

"Alta?"

They heard, in the distance, the sound of two screams.

_Shit_, L thought, _never trust a shinigami._

_

* * *

_A/N: I hope this chapter is alright. And just a heads up, I do believe we're nearing the end.


	8. Losing

They'd been in the orchard for hours. Ever had come to Light in the library that morning wearing his hat and coat, dragging Light's jacket behind him. He'd mildly scolded the boy for getting his jacket dirty, but he knew in the long run it was fruitless to scold Ever. The child would do it again and again. It was his way.

"I take it you want me to bring you outside."

Ever nodded in that solemn, serious way of his.

"Now, they were walking under the apple trees. Ever seemed to have a particular destination, so Light was simply following where the young boy led. He wasn't sure why, but being in the orchard always made him nervous. He knew Ever must be sensing his apprehension since the boy kept glancing up at him and tightening his grip on his hand.

Finally, they came to a tree at the far edges of the orchard. _There's something strange about this tree_, Light thought. Ever motioned for Light to sit down. As he sat close to the trunk, he realized what made the tree odd. There was absolutely no fallen fruit on the ground. Even if an absurd amount of small woodland creatures ventured out to raid the orchard, they wouldn't focus on a single tree. Light frowned as he watched Ever staring up into the branches, nodding or shaking his head every so often. It seemed the boy was focusing on a particular spot, but when Light kneeled next to him and looked up, he saw nothing.

"What are you looking at, Ever?"

Ever simply looked at him and pointed toward the tree top.

"There's nothing-"

He was interrupted by a notebook falling to the ground in front of him.

"What on Earth?" Light said, reaching out and picking it up to examine it more closely.

Pain exploded behind his eyes the moment his fingers made contact with the black material. He screamed as all the memories came flooding into his mind. He, once again, remembered everything. Finding the book, passing judgment over evil doers, meeting Misa and Rem, confronting L, seeing L, loving L, confessing to L, and giving up everything _for_ L.

He remained there, eyes closed, on his knees drawing deep breaths into his lungs. He held tightly to the notebook, not knowing if he owned this one or if he would have to write a name. He heard the annoying chuckle of a shinigami above him, but still refused to acknowledge it. Instead, he looked to where Ever stood, trying to unsuccessfully to hide behind the apple tree.

"You can see him, can't you?"

A nod.

"I want you to run as fast and as far as you can. Go to the house and stay away from me and this place. I know you might not understand, but I'm not safe right now. Will you do this for me?"

Ever nodded once more and without a backwards glance, ran in the direction of the orphanage. Light watched him go for a moment before lifting his gaze toward the heavens.

"You're a liar, you know that?"

"I got bored," Ryuk said unapologetically. "Besides, it's no fun just hanging out in the trees. You're always s good for some entertainment. I figured you'd be out here eventually."

"You never intended to keep your promise, did you? You're still going to kill me no matter what I do."

"Yup. Not anytime soon though. I'm pretty sure you'll be just as entertaining as you were before."

"Oh, really? What makes you say that?"

"Well, that's a new Death Note. New for you anyway. So, you won't lose your memories if you're not holding it. Plus, you've got two people around you with ready made shinigami eyes, so you'll be able to get the names so much faster."

"You forget that one doesn't talk and the other hates me."

"Yeah, not my problem. That will only make it more interesting for me. On a side not, I do agree with L. Telling her was pretty stupid of you."

"No one asked you."

"Oh, I should probably mention one thing. You already know I'm going to be the one to write your name, but this time I've added my own little twist. I'm so proud of myself for thinking of it. If you should fail to entertain me . . ."

"Yes? What?"

"Let's just say that keeping me entertained is in L's best interest," Ryuk chomped down into an apple and chewed noisily. "Oh look. Speak of the devil," he said before cackling.

Light looked behind him to see L running toward him. Light rose from his knees still clutching tightly to the book. L slowed down the closer he got. He saw Light, features calm, but obviously shaken if the grip on the book was any indication. Above him was Ryuk, perched like some grotesque vulture. L stopped five feet from them.

"Light."

"L."

"Kira."

They simply stood there. For as close as they were, the space between them felt like a great chasm. Neither one knowing if they could cross it.

******

He didn't know how long they stood before he spoke.

"Where is Ever?"

"With his mother. We bumped into him on the way to you."

"He's alright? I think I scared him."

"I'd imagine so. We could hear you from the house. He's fine."

It was very gratifying to L to see the flicker of relief that passed over Light's face.

"Give me the book."

Light hugged it closer to his chest.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'll write his name," said the shinigami. "And then yours."

"Ah," Li sighed. "So that's the way of it this time." L sat down upon the grass. "Whatever _shall_ I do?"

Light blinked. That non-chalant attitude was not what he'd expected. Sadness, shock, dismay, even fury had seemed to be reasonable reactions. He'd been so sure L would be upset with him and if not, at least angry with the shinigami for lying. He looked up at Ryuk. The shinigami looked just as confused as Light felt.

"L?"

"Yes, Light?"

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Light. I am sitting here and doing nothing."

"Why?"

"Because Light, I'm tired." To illustrate his point, L lay down and turned his head to the side to continue looking at Light. "I'm tired of this whole ridiculous mess. Murder notebooks, bored gods of death, Kira. I'm done with it all. If Ryuk there wishes to kill me, then there's nothing I can do to prevent it. All I request is that it's not too horribly gruesome a death. Or, perhaps, you could be the one to do it."

"What!" Light couldn't believe what he was hearing. L couldn't just be lying there, on the grass, accepting death . . . asking for it.

"You heard me. You've got the notebook. All you lack is a pen, which I just happen to have." L reached into his pocket and extracted a single ball point pen. He stared at it for a moment and then tossed it at Light, who caught it between his fingers.

Light was dumbfounded. This wasn't happening. L wasn't there on the grass asking Light to kill him. Ryuk wasn't above him in a tree, and he wasn't standing in an orchard holding a death note thinking about all the good he could do in the world with it. He wasn't thinking about being a god. And he certainly wasn't thinking about how the only way to be that god was if L didn't exist anymore. He looked at the notebook. He didn't remember opening it, but there it lay, open in the palm of his hand, the pen in the other.

"L, what are you doing? Why do you want me to kill you? Willing victims aren't any fun or very challenging." _Oh my god_, he thought, _did those words actually just come out of my mouth?_

L smiled slightly. "There he is. There's Kira." He turned his face toward the sky. "Why am I doing this? I'll tell you. I'm doing this because it's easy. It's easy for me to quit and it's easy for you if I quit. If you kill me, the shinigami gets nothing. If you kill me, I'll be able to forgive it. I've forgiven you already. If I were in your shoes, I can't say I wouldn't write a name down to save my own life. We are all human, we are all selfish, and we all want to live. And, this is only about life. Not about judging, or pretending to be a god. It's about keeping one of us alive and at this moment, I am defenseless while you are not. So," he said looking once more to Light, "are you going to do it?"

Light continued looking at the blank page before him. Was he going to do it? Could he? Did L truly want to die? Did he want L to die? He didn't think so.

"You're L! You're can't quit!"

"This L can."

"No, you can't! What's the point in being a worthy adversary if you're just going to lay there and _let_ me kill you!"

"I'm not doing this to be your worthy adversary. I don't give two figs about Kira. I don't even care about catching him anymore. What I do care about is Light."

"We're the same!"

"Yes and no. He's buried inside of you, he's apart of you, but he's not you. He sometimes claws his way to the surface. He did when he confessed on that rooftop and he did when he asked about Ever. Kira would never have confessed or cared if he'd frightened a small child."

"You're right. I wouldn't have." Light narrowed his eyes. "You think you've got us all figured out, don't you? You think you know your Light? You don't. Don't you realize that I've always been here, inside him? The notebook only brought me to the forefront, but we're the same. Light and I are one. I'm not some entity this book created. When you're talking to me, you're talking to Light. When Light says he loves you, I'm saying it too."

"I do understand that, I do. And, while that notebook may not have created you, it makes you possible than you ever could have been. I also understand that fighting against the power of that book takes a great strength of will and character."

"You think I can't do it again?"

"I think I can't ask you to do it again. You, Light . . . you gave up the world for me, misguided though that world may be. I won't ask you to give it up twice."

Light felt the notebook and pen slip through his fingers. His ears barely registered the sound they made upon the grass. He lowered himself to the ground and buried his head in his hands.

"I can't . . . I can't kill you. I don't even want to anymore. I used to, but not now. Not to save myself."

"You'd better do something or the shinigami will."

Light looked up at Ryuk. "Don't you have a heart at all?"

"Nope. And, while this dramatic little interlude is interesting, it's going to get pretty boring soon. So, I suggest you start with the name writing."

"No," Light said softly. He watched L for a moment, his chest slowly rising and falling, the way his hair fell into his eyes, the way his fingers twitched when he was nervous. He knew what he had to do. He smiled, picked up the pen and notebook, and began writing. When he'd finished, he moved to L's side.

"L, I want you to promise me one thing."

L propped himself up on his elbows.

"What would that be?"

"I want you to promise not to tell me what I've done."

"What _have _you done?"

Light handed the book to L. His hand trembled as he read the newly written entry.

"Light," he gasped, "You can't take this back."

"I know. It's what must be done. It's the only way to end this all. You should burn it and the others. Ryuk won't be bound to you after they've been destroyed."

"Huh? What?" the shinigami asked. "What did you do?" He flew down from his perch and looked over L's shoulder. "Hey! No fair!"

Light shrugged. "You win some, you lose some." He looked at L. "I give up ownership of the Death Note . . . again."

Light pressed his lips gently to L's.

"I'll miss you, L," he whispered against the others lips. The kiss was soft, almost shy. L felt the exact moment the memories of the death note left Light. Light had paused slightly, but L took the opportunity to pull Light closer to him, deepening the kiss as he did so. Light pulled back slightly but L refused to loosen his hold. He could only imagine Light's confusion. One moment he'd been under a tree with Ever and the next he was being kissed and held tightly by L. Light eventually managed to push L away gently.

"Not that I don't enjoy this," Light whispered, "but when exactly did you get here?"

"Recently."

"Recently," Light said raising a brow. "Really." He looked around. "Where is Ever, L? And why don't I remember you showing up here? Did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing happened. Everything's fine." L stood up, held his hand toward Light, pulling him to his fee. "Ever's back at the house, where I suggest we go. I am cold."

"It's your own fault for not wearing a jacket."

"I don't like them."

When they arrived at the house, they were faced with a very worried looking Alta. Her eyes flicked to the space above L's head and sighed in relief. The hours had become years once more. She looked to Light and paled visibly.

"L? Wh . . . what happened? Light . . ."

"Later, Alta," L said as he pulled Light inside.

"But . . ."

"I said _later."_

"There's no call to be rude, L," Light said. "She was probably worried about Ever." He turned to Alta. "I'm very sorry I lost track of him. I'm not usually so irresponsible."

She just stood there, wide eyed and open mouthed for a moment before she realized she was supposed to say something back.

"Oh, yes, well, no harm done. He's fine and has somehow convinced the other boys to build a fort for him in his room."

"If you need any help . . ."

"I'll let you know. L, I'll see you later."

L didn't say anything, but tugged impatiently at Light to follow him. As they made their way to the stairs, L muttered, "Why must you be so damn proper all the time?"

"Why must you not?"

"It's part of my charm, damn it."

"So says you."

L looked at him from the corner of his eye. Light smiled.

"Okay, it is. You win."

* * *

October 31, 2005 (12:45 am)

"And that's what happened," L said before biting into a biscuit.

"Isn't there anything you can do to stop it?"

"No, Alta. I've already tried."

_"Tell me what to do. I'll do anything I can to make this not happen."_

_She was not happy to have been summoned for this. The white shinigami narrowed her eyes before answering._

_"There is nothing that can be done. All but the last rules are true. You already know this. A person can write their own name and they will die. As it is written, so it shall pass. You are not like so many of the other humans. You are not stupid. He wrote his name and now will die."_

_"He was coerced! He saw no other way out of the situation! There must be some way!"_

_"Didn't Light Yagami coerce many as well? Hasn't he caused pain and heartbreak for others? Why should you be any different in that regard?"_

_"You're speaking of Misa."_

_"Yes, I am. She grows more despondent everyday, though I know you do not care."_

_L nodded. "No, right now, I don't."_

_"Perhaps that is your folly and your own shortcoming. I will not say I regret I cannot help you. I do not. Perhaps this is truly the Justice you seek."_

_Rem spread her great wings and flew through the walls of the Vault. L threw her death note against the steel that lined the walls, a scream of frustration echoing around him._

_"This isn't Justice!" he shouted to the air. "THIS ISN'T JUSTICE!"_

"You've tried everything? Are you sure?"

L looked over the rim of his teacup.

"Yes."

"And he doesn't know?"

"Correct."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He asked me not to."

"Oh." She rotated the empty teacup between the palms of her hands.

"I suppose you feel somewhat vindicated now."

She looked up sharply.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Now, I will have lost someone I care about to Kira."

"That's not what I wanted. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"What _did_ you want then?"

She muttered something unintelligible.

"Pardon? Didn't catch that."

"I said . . . I wanted Kira to kill you."

"How lovely," L drained the remaining tea from his cup. "I suppose, in a metaphorical sense, he's done that too."

"L, I'm so sor-"

"No," L cut her off. "I don't want to hear that from you. Not now, possibly not ever. He is not dead yet. I still have twenty two days with him."

**

L closed the bedroom door softly behind him, the slight click of the latch barely a whisper. The light from the moon was the only illumination the room received. After the events of the day, he knew he would be able to sleep for a few hours at least. The best part of his insomnia though, was getting to watch Light sleep, so he didn't complain.

He shuffled quietly to the bed and bent down to pull back the coverlet when an odd movement gave him pause. He pulled the blanket down to see Light sleeping and Ever snuggled next to him. _This will not do_, L thought.

"Hey," he whispered, poking the sleeping toddler's cheek. "Wake up."

Ever sat up slowly, blinking and yawning before turning toward L.

"You're in my spot, little man."

Ever smiled sleepily and looked at Light.

"Light . . . will be leaving us soon," the little boy said softly and carefully.

L sat next to him on the bed.

"Yes, he will. I see you've decided to speak again. May I ask why?"

"She worries too much, my mother. Talking will help her, I think."

"She's worried before. You didn't speak before. Why now?"

"I want to be able to say goodbye." Ever crawled into L's lap. "I've had a mother, three fathers, two grandfathers, and more brothers and sisters then anyone could hope for. I want to be able to say to all of you that I love and goodbye when you leave. I never had the chance to say goodbye to my first father. But, I can say goodbye to my third one."

L was never one to care much for sentimental drivel. Nevertheless, he felt tears springing to his eyes and fall slowly down his cheeks when Ever spoke of saying goodbye. He held the small boy tightly.

"I don't want to say goodbye," L whispered.

""Me either. But, it won't be forever. It's never forever." Ever pulled himself out of L's embrace and proceeded to pull the covers back over him. "Besides, he'll wait for you. I can tell." Ever then closed his eyes, yawned and snuggled once more next to Light.

"Happy Birthday, L," Ever said before falling asleep.

L sighed and pulled the blanket to his chest. The little brat was still in his spot.

* * *

August 4th, 2002

Her eyes were the same. He'd been a little put off by that fact at first, but he'd grown used to them. He gulped the tea before him. He enjoyed the way it burned, traveling down his esophagus to his stomach. She called it his sugar sludge.

"You seem anxious today? Anything wrong?"

Beyond glanced at the girl. Had he been acting anxious? He was a bit more nervous about this one. She was so young, and her eyes . . . well, they reminded him so much of . . .

"No, nothing's wrong. I suppose just being alone with you makes me nervous. I keep thinking your mother's going to walk through the door any second."

"Oh, that," Quarter Queen giggled. "She always leaves me by myself. She has since I was seven. Plus, she out of town for at least a week. I think she has a new boyfriend."

"Still . . ."

Quarter rolled her eyes.

"Stop being like that. You're just my friend and we're not doing anything wrong. It's not like we haven't hung out tons before."

"You're right," Beyond said. "I apologize."

They passed the next few hours companionably. She chattered on and on about her friends at school, the boy she had a crush on, how she hoped she got a cell phone for her birthday next year, normal teen girl nonsense. Beyond hated every excruciating second of it. Although, sometimes it reminded him or another's teen chatter. He glanced at the clock. The drug he'd slipped into her drink would be starting to kick in. Sure enough, Quarter's eyes were drooping.

"I'm getting kind of tired. You wouldn't mind seeing yourself out would you?"

"Of course not." Beyond stood up and watched as she struggled to her feet. She was swaying and very unsteady. Just as she started to fall, Beyond was behind to catch her. She looked up at him, blinking slowly.

"Something's wrong," she whispered before closing her eyes.

"Yes," he said, knowing she couldn't hear. "Yes, there is something wrong."

He cradled her in his arms and held her for a long moment. This one was going to be the most difficult. He wished he had decided to strangle her instead of Believe. But, he knew with her, he had to shock, had to make a statement. Beating in a child's head would certainly make a statement.

He lay her on her bed and kissed her forehead before turning to open his bag and cover the room with plastic. This was going to be messy and he needed to take extra precautions to ensure he left no evidence behind.

He was glad the drugs were quick. He didn't want to hurt her, just kill her. Once more, he found himself wondering, _were they already supposed to die, or had their deaths been sped up because they had met him?_

All this just to get one man's attention. L. Beyond knew, deep in his heart, that this was folly, pure and simple. But, he couldn't stop what he'd begun. L, to him, was a harbinger of his own destruction. He imagined L was most likely a harbinger of destruction to anyone who loved him.

Only after he'd committed a murder could he admit it. He loved L, loved him because L was who and what he wanted to be. You could only do this for someone you loved. Loved him from a distance.

"God help anyone who ever truly loves L."

* * *

November 15, 2005

It wasn't until the sixteenth day that Light became suspicious.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

L looked up from his apple crostata.

"I wasn't aware I was. Should I be cruel instead?"

"No. I'd just like to know what's going on. You haven't picked a single fight for a while. And you brought me here," Light gestured around the small café' they were in. "I'd just like to know why."

"You don't like Rome?"

"No, it's not that at all. I've had a wonderful time."

"Then what's the problem?"

"You've just not been . . . yourself."

L took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. "Perhaps I have been trying to be more of a 'people person'."

"You? A people person? Riiiiight."

"You don't enjoy my company?"

"Ryuzaki, of course I do. It's just I don't see you _ever_ becoming a people person. Besides," Light lowered his voice. "Wouldn't it be a bad thing for L to be a more social type?"

"Coil could be social, or Danuve, and Ryuzaki most certainly has been."

Light sipped his coffee. "I still think something's afoot."

"I assure you, nothing is 'afoot'. I simply felt restless and thought you might want to travel with me. Was I wrong?"

Light sighed softly.

"No, not wrong. I think I'd like to return home now though."

"Do you miss them so much?"

Light stared at his hands clasped together tightly. Did he miss them? And if he did, could he even admit it? He'd never even mentioned missing his own family in Japan. Missing people, becoming attached to them, it was weakness. He couldn't admit to a weakness. He hadn't noticed when L left his chair to crouch beside him. L placed his pale hand over Light's darker ones. He looked into Light's dusky eyes for a silent moment before saying, "I miss them too."

"Can we leave soon?"

"Yes."

"Good. I want to get back as soon as possible."

"Any reason for the urgency?"

"I can't explain it. I just feel as though I should spend as much time with you and them as possible."

"Even Mello?" L asked with a small twitch of his lips.

Light smiled, something he rarely did. Light smiling gave L a more victorious feeling then his solved cases ever did.

"Even Mello."

* * *

A/N: Kudos to whomever can pick out the movie and the tv show moment. I couldn't help myself. I've already started working on the next bit, so there shouldn't be a huge wait. I'm seeing, at the most, 3 more chapters until the end which makes me sad, and also happy. I haven't finished anything I've ever written (aside from the oneshots) so it's exciting for me. What's upsetting me the most though is that I wanted a nice happy ending . . . and it's looking more like it'll be a bittersweet sort instead. Maybe next time I can conjure up the joy and joyness needed for a happy Death Note story. Enjoy XD.


	9. Heartbeat

November 16, 2005

Mello was bored. He'd been standing at the window for what felt like hours, but in reality was only twenty minutes at most. Matt was splayed across a couch, purposefully punching buttons on his game, an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Ever and Near, that dork, were both on the floor. One putting a puzzle together, the other crashing small army men into the puzzle. Mello sighed and rolled his eyes. He unwrapped a bar of chocolate and tried to think of something to do. Read? Nope. Write? Another no. Harass Alta? Hells no. Do homework? Yeah, _right_. Kick Near in the face for no reason? Too childish. He wasn't twelve anymore. Now, the mature thing to do was wait for Near to _deserve _a kick to the face. Mello sighed again.

"Dude, quit. You're throwing off my game groove," Matt muttered from the couch.

Normally, with his mood being what it was, that comment would have warranted at least a smack from him, but he wasn't even motivated enough for that. Instead, he settled with flashing a dirty look toward the goggled red-head before lazily turning his eyes once more to the window. The snow was falling softly and it seemed to be the staying kind of snow. He knew that meant a lot of the children here would be bundled up and building snowmen and tossing snowballs at each other. That meant someone would be outside with Ever later today. He placed his fist against his cheek and breathed against the window. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a black car slowly coming up the way and stopping in the front of the building. The driver exited and opened the passenger door. Mello continued watching until....

"L! It's L! He's back!" He started to push himself away from the window when he saw someone else exit the vehicle. Mello's body physically sagged. "That fucker's back too. Shit."

"Mel, give it a rest. Light's not going anywhere. You know that."

Mello threw his balled up chocolate wrapper at Matt's head.

"Just because I know it, doesn't mean I have to like it."

"You like him. Don't even act like you don't."

"Shut the fuck up!" Mello stormed from the room, intent on greeting L before any of those other losers had a chance to. Matt chuckled under his breath. He knew Mello enough to know that he had a major puppy love crush on L, and that he was only the biggest asshole to people he secretly admired. Like Near. Like Light.

"Aren't you going to go say hi?"

Matt paused his game to look at Ever.

"Naw. I don't completely hero worship the guy like just about everyone else. I'll wait till later, when he has time." It was still strange for Matt to hear the little boy talking.

Ever nodded slightly. "I understand. I'm going though. I missed them a lot."

Matt gave a slight wave as Ever and Near left. Ever to see L and Light, Near most likely to his room. Matt knew Near didn't give a damn about L. Near didn't give a damn about anyone. _What a fucked up bunch of kids we are_, Matt thought.

**

"Aren't you too old for that?" Light asked the disheveled blonde teen that had knocked L to the floor.

"I'll be too old for it when you stop asking if I'm too old," Mello said, standing up.

Light narrowed his eyes. Maybe he hadn't missed Mello all that much.

"Light!"

Light turned his face toward the sound of an unfamiliar voice calling him. He was surprised to see Ever, clad from head to toe in black, running in his stockinged feet toward him.

"Ever?"

The boy launched himself into the air, trusting completely that Light would catch him.

"You made it back just in time. I was concerned," Ever said, hugging Light tightly.

"When did you start talking?"

"Just before you left."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Light asked while looking pointedly at L.

The world's three greatest detectives merely wiggled his toes. Light raised a brow before turning to look again at Ever.

"What do you mean 'made it back in time'?"

"Nothing. I just missed you. We should go play in the snow later." Ever squirmed his way out of Light's arms and ran once more down the hall.

"Don't you have somewhere better to be?" Light asked Mello.

"No, not really."

"Mello," L said, "I will have a proper visit with you soon. Now is not the time. Give me a moment to rest from my travels."

"Sure thing, L."

**

Light and L gathered their things and made their way to the room. Light still continued calling it L's bell tower, which irked him to no end. L was very pleased to see a tea tray set up in the room, complete with biscuits, muffins for Light, and a small cake. _God bless Wammy for knowing me so well_, L thought. L tossed his bags haphazardly in a pile, while Light stacked his neatly against a wall. L had just started to pour the tea when he realized Light hadn't moved. He was just standing there, arms crossed, looking at him.

L knew that stance. It usually meant Light was upset over something, something trivial. He didn't want to argue with Light. He'd been doing his best to avoid it. All he wanted was for Light to be happy during the time they had left together.

"Light, would you be so kind, and tell me why you feel the need to grind your teeth?"

"Mello," Light said through gritted teeth.

L tilted his head to the side.

"What about him?"

"It's annoying to watch him crawling all over you. He's what? Sixteen? It's unseemly for a boy his age. Unhealthy too."

"Yes, it most likely is. It's also harmless. He's not a threat to you."

"A _threat_? You think I'm _jealous_? Jealous of that androgynous, leather wearing, emotionally unstable, freak?!"

"Yes, Light. That is exactly what I think."

Silence descended upon the room.

Light turned and made his way to the door. Just as he touched the handle, he felt L press against his back and saw his pale hand on the door by his head.

"What are you doing, L?" Light asked softly.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Light felt L's hand snaking gently around his waist. L felt him trying to suppress the gasp.

"I'm leaving," Light breathed.

"I don't think you are." L's cool fingers slide slowly under Light's shirt. Light struggled to maintain some semblance of composure.

"I am. I need to . . . aahh!" Light threw his head back. L's hand had changed direction and was now gripping him firmly.

"You need to what?" L murmured into Light's ear.

"I need to . . . _oh god_!" He needed to concentrate, but the slow strokes L was administering to his body were so very, very distracting. "Why do you always . . . _ah_ . . . do this?"

"I do it, Light, because I'm good at it." L whispered. "Because you like it."

His only response was a low moan.

Light registered the sensation of cotton material sliding slowly down his legs. If anyone had ever told him that, one day, he would be pressed against a door, naked from the waist down, while a British man pleasured him; he'd never have believed it. Yet, here he was, with L inside him, making him scream, making him beg for more, more. He felt L pulling him down, biting and licking the side of his neck. No, on the floor, they were facing each other, holding and thrusting, their bodies dipping and bending to kiss, to lick, to bite.

**

"I hate you," Light mumbled into L's chest.

L lifted his head from the floor slightly. "That's not what one usually hears after bringing someone to climax . . . twice."

"What do you want? A thank you?"

"You're welcome."

Light sighed and rolled off L and lay his back against the floor. "Not what I meant, and you know it." He watched L sit up and pull his clothes on. He eyes remained on L as he walked over to the tea tray.

"Don't think I haven't noticed, L."

"Noticed what?" L asked, touching the teapot. _O good, it's still warm,_ he thought.

"Every time you think I'm upset about something, you avoid the argument by turning it into Sex-O-Rama '05."

L began plopping cubes of sugar into his tea. "Is that a problem?"

"Yes . . . No . . . I don't know."

"Well, do you_ know_ how long you intend to lay on the floor naked? I don't mind, but you'll get cold soon."

Light rose from the floor, stomped over to the wardrobe, and began yanking clothes out. "You're so infuriating! I'm taking a shower and then we can . . ." he sniffed the air. "Have you been letting Matt smoke in here?"

"No."

"Then why does it . . . oh god." Light's eyes rivaled L's in size as he sprinted across the room and into the bathroom. L smirked as he walked to the door, opening it to see heir number three puffing happily away.

"Can I help you?"

"Sorry, L. I know I'm not allowed to smoke inside, but _damn._ Anyone would need a smoke after hearing you two."

"Is there something you needed?" L asked with a small half smile on his face.

"Just to say 'hey' and Ever wants to hang out in the snow soon with mister screamer."

"I'll let Light know."

**

L was not a fan of snow. Snow required bulky coats and uncomfortable shoes. Snow required socks. L hated socks. Light, on the other hand seemed to enjoy the snow. L watched him from a window as he taught Ever how to make a snow angel. After making a couple, Ever grew bored and suddenly lobbed a snowball at Light's face.

"He's got a good arm, doesn't he?"

Alta moved from her chair in the shadows. "I wondered if you knew I was here or not." She stood next to L and they spent a few moments in silence. L broke the silence with a question she'd been waiting for.

"Will I outlive him for very long?"

She looked at him thoughtfully.

"I suppose it depends on how you define 'long'."

"Alta."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I honestly don't know how to answer your question, L. You already know you're going to outlive him. Why does it matter how long?"

L placed his palm against the glass. "I want to know how long I have to wait."

She pulled her gaze away from L and back to her son, rolling a large boulder of snow.

"You'll be with us for a long while and I think you know why."

"I do."

She tentatively moved her fingers toward L's and gently held his hand in hers.

"You promised him something, didn't you?"

"I did. You weren't to know. He said it would upset you."

"It would have. Not now though," she smirked. "You would think that two geniuses would have realized that I could have figured out whatever agreement you made. I noticed the extra attention Ever received."

"I'm starting to think 'genius' doesn't necessarily mean 'smart'."

She squeezed his hand before letting go. "Thank you," she said.

L only nodded before turning his gaze once more out the window.

* * *

November 20, 2005

Quillish Wammy was pulling what could only be described as an all-nighter. He didn't usually work late when L was on minor cases, but, on his return to Wammy House, he'd been greeted by a sheepish Roger and a mountain of paper work. There were two things Roger disliked: Children and paper work. Quillish was always amused that those things were what constantly surrounded the poor man.

He heard the click of the door behind him and the soft shuffling of feet on the carpet. He smiled and turned his chair around.

"L? What is it?"

He'd never seen the boy look so despondent. _Young man_, he corrected himself. L didn't say anything, but Quillish noticed his hunched form seemed even more so.

"L?" Quillish became truly alarmed at the presence of tears on L's face. L very rarely cried. Quillish did the only thing he could think to do. When L had been a small boy, before he learned to control his emotions, Quillish had simply opened his arms and held him. It had been years, but now, L's head at his chest with his arms around him; it felt like it had been only yesterday. L truly was the child of his heart.

"Quillish," L whispered, "I honestly don't think I can do this."

"You can and you will."

"I've never felt this powerless before. I have the world at my beck and call, but I can't stop this _one thing_ from happening. I can't keep him!"

"Maybe he was never yours to keep."

L jerked his head up sharply and stepped away.

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"My dear boy, some people we are never meant to keep. Some people are meant to enter our lives for but a moment. All we get to keep of them are memories of when they were here and the way we felt when we were with them. The very way he entered you life should have made you realize that he would be one of those people."

Quillish rose from his chair, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, and handed it to L.

"You've been happy, and even your worst moments together won't seem so bad in the future. Most people never get a glimpse or a taste of what you've had. Cherish it."

"It's so hard, knowing . . . having a countdown in my head. It's somehow worse knowing I only have two more days with him. I wish I didn't know."

"But you do know. All you can do is give him two more happy days and leave nothing unsaid."

* * *

October 31, 1999

Beyond had always known about the 'midnight visits', as he'd dubbed them. He'd been furious at first, now he didn't care. He'd waited in the shadows, waited for her to leave. Now, he was simply waiting for courage to come. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door, turned his back to it, and waited. The door creaked.

"B?" the soft, surprised voice asked.

"L." Beyond stood in silence. It was difficult to not turn around.

"Why are you . . ."

"I have something to say to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to know what you look like. I don't want to know _you_. I just want you to know one thing. You took something away from me. You took away my dreams, my life, who I thought I was. Maybe I can't take any of those things away from you, maybe I can. Who knows? But, I'll try my damndest, that's a promise. Right now, I'm pretty sure you're the type to not care about anything or anybody. One day, maybe, you will. And one day, you'll lose that thing or person. And on that day, I swear to god, I'll be laughing at you from Hell."

* * *

November 22, 2005

Evermore Beyond Birthday was not, by nature, a clingy child. He did not normally latch onto people, refusing to let go. He'd never begged his mother for more hugs, more kisses, another bedtime story, a glass of water. It wasn't that he didn't crave attention or bask in the warm feeling of unconditional physical affection. He simply refused to beg for it.

For Light, he made an exception.

There was something about him, from the moment Ever had watched him sleeping, he'd felt it. Light had seemed like _him_, good and bad, innocent and sinister. Ever knew why he was bad. People didn't like knowing when they were going to die, so knowing was bad. Ever couldn't figure out why Light was bad . . . until the day in the apple orchard. When that monster talked to him, he knew that was what made Light bad. Light knew the monster. _No, not monster_, Ever mentally corrected himself, _shinigami._ L had told him it was a god of death named Ryuk. It had come with them from Japan and Ever shouldn't be afraid of it. And Ever wasn't afraid, not until Light had started screaming. After, L and Light had left and Ever was glad he'd held onto Light so often. Today, especially, he would hold on for as long as he could.

**

"Anyone notice how weird Ever's been today?"

"No more than usual, Mel. Why?"

"He's been following Light around like a puppy."

"So?"

"So? So, it's not cool. Ever doesn't follow anyone around like that."

Matt paused his game and pushed his goggles up. "You're jealous!"

"What? Fuck no!"

"Yeah, you are! I just don't know if you're jealous because Ever's not hanging with you or if it's because you're not with Li-"

Mello pulled Matt by the shirt collar and made a fist.

"Finish that sentence and you'll wish to God you hadn't."

"Geez, Mello. Fine, whatever." Matt extracted himself from the angry blonde's grasp. "Besides, it's not just Ever. L's been watching Light all day."

"Yeah, well he's not making Light carry him around."

"I think L would be the one carrying Light, actually."

**

Alta watched L watching Light. She knew what it was to lose someone, but she couldn't even imagine was L was feeling. To know, truly know you were losing someone was horrible. It had been hard to lose A, but she hadn't loved A the way L did Light. And losing Beyond, while she'd been almost waiting for it, had still been unexpected. Knowing was worse.

The sun was down and Ever had demanded a fire in the fireplace and hot cocoa. Alta had been surprised. Ever never really _demanded_ anything, let alone something as conventional as a fire and cocoa.

Light, on the other hand, had thought it was a splendid idea. It had been L's turn to be the surprised person in the room. So, a fire had been built, Wammy had appeared with cocoa, and Ever had built a house of cards. Alta watched the clock and Light's numbers tick swiftly by.

"Ever," she said.

The miniature doppelganger turned away from his cards.

"No," he said.

"Yes. We have to."

Ever's bottom lip began trembling. "But, I don't want to."

"I know. We talked about this. We need to go."

Ever sniffled and went to where Light was sitting. He crawled into his lap and squeezed him tight.

"Good night, Light. I love you," Ever whispered.

**

They lay in the blue light of the moon. L counted every heartbeat Light made, every breath he took.

"L?"

"Yes, Light?"

"Remember when you told me you heard the bells?"

"I do."

"I hear them too."

The clock ticked. Someone whispered _I love you_. L wouldn't remember who said it.

**

Ever lay next to his mother, thumb in his mouth, tears on his cheeks. She stroked his hair in a way she remembered Light doing for her. The silence in the house was overwhelming. When she thought she could take it no more, a horrible cry of despair echoed through the house and she longed suddenly for that silence. Ever wept and whispered, "Why is he making that sound?"

She held him closer. "That's the sound your heart makes when it's gone."

* * *

A/N: Even though it was just a tiny amount of text, it was so hard to write. I'd like to apologize for all the horrible typos in my last update. I can't believe I missed them! But, that's what you get when you're your own beta. And also, thanks for not telling me. I live in fear of the day when I get a review and it's "yeah, you suck cause the typos were awful." XD


	10. Mournful Revelation

A/N: So, yeah, notes before the story this time. I know this update is a bit shorter than I planned...actually, I'd planned for this to be an epilouge of sorts. But, after sitting down and outlining the rest of the story, I realized it would take at least one more chapter before I was ready to end this. I'm still not 100 percent certain, but I think this story will be, at the very least 13 chapters...give or take. Hee hee...13. Anyway O.O....please enjoy and thank you all so much for reviewing and letting me know how you like it. It seems I even made a few people cry last chapter. Good. Cause I didn't want to be the only one.

* * *

November 24, 2005

He hadn't slept, which was nothing new really, but his insomnia was the only thing he could think of that was causing his lack of coordination. He kept thinking, if Light were here, he would have made him help, but if Light were still here, he wouldn't be struggling with the damn necktie in the first place.

"Fuck all!" L yelled and flung the offending strip of material to the floor. He closed his eyes against yet another set of forming tears and stomped over to their, no _his_, bed. There he was, almost crying, wearing the most uncomfortable clothes he'd ever had the misfortune to own, throwing a necktie around like a child. He even had socks on for Christ sake! He hadn't yet summoned the nerve to put on the pair of shiny, evil looking, dress shoes Quillish had given him.

A soft tapping at the door pulled him away from his pouting.

"Yes? What is it?" he said to the closed door.

"L," came the muffled reply. "It's Alta. Can I come in?"

"Fine."

She opened the door to find exactly what she'd expected, a frustrated, sulking L, shoe-less with a necktie on the floor. She walked over and retrieved the crumpled strip of cloth.

"Stand up and come over here," she said.

"I don't want to wear it."

"I know you don't," she said as she threaded it under his collar. "Ever didn't either. That's why he has a clip on. Why don't you? It'd be easier."

L scowled. "I don't have one because I'm not four, and _he_ never wore clip-ons."

She paused before continuing her work. "Is this one of his?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"He's probably happy about that. There," she pushed the knot into place. "All done."

L mumbled a small thank you as he gently fingered the knot. "When did you learn . . .?"

"Oh, didn't you know? In between learning how to hack police data bases and speak almost every language known to man, all the young girls of Wammy House are taught to be well brought up ladies. Evidently, knowing how to tie a necktie is par for the course in gentility. I used to make Beyond let me practice on him."

"I'm sure he enjoyed that." _Sarcasm is a wonderful thing_, L thought.

"Every second of it. Now get your shoes on. We'll be late."

L sighed and slipped the shoes onto his feet. Socks and shoes, neckties and suits. _The things I do for you, Light._

"Have you told his family?"

He glanced at her and then the floor.

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"His mother and sister already believed him dead. I will be informing his father."

"You're not going to tell him over the phone, are you?"

L cocked his head to one side. "I'd have to be a pretty cold-hearted bastard to do that, wouldn't I? And why are you going through the wardrobe?"

Alta paused before pulling a shirt from the wardrobe then stood up and faced L.

"Ever . . . well, he wanted one. Is it alright?"

L thought for a moment before answering. "Yes, just not the red one."

She walked over to him and straightened his already crooked tie. "Don't fiddle with it so much, L." She turned to leave only to feel her arm pulled. She looked at L's hand round her wrist.

"L?"

It was so _quiet_ He just stood there in silence. She couldn't bear the silence.

"L?" she asked again. She heard him draw a shaky breath.

"Does this ever go away?" he whispered.

"No, L. It doesn't."

"I knew it would hurt. I knew I would miss him. I didn't know it would . . . I didn't know how alone I was until he was gone."

"You're not alone, L. Never alone."

Alta had prepared for Light's death. She'd expected it, she knew when it would happen. She knew L had prepared for it as best he could. What she could never have prepared for was the three best detectives in the world holding her like she was the only thing keeping him afloat. She'd never expected to see L cry, not ever. This emotionless man was now brimming with emotion and there was nothing anyone could do to staunch the flow of his tears.

**

L didn't register any of it. If anyone had asked what had happened in the church, or what was said, he wouldn't have been able to answer the questions. All he knew was that Near wasn't there, Mello was whispering and pushing rosary beads, Matt was openly crying, and he was numb. He felt he was wandering in a daze for the duration of the ceremony. The sudden tolling of bells as they made their way back to Wammy House made him stiffen in alarm, maybe even fear. He sat in the vehicle, taut and tense, until he felt something small and warm slide into his hand. He looked down and saw Ever's own hand in his. He just looked at the boy, who didn't look back. He simply sat and held L's hand.

Ever.

L supposed that if he needed a reason to stay alive, Ever was a good one.

* * *

January 12, 2006

"This is horseshit!" Mello exclaimed.

Roger simply gazed dispassionately at the over excited teen while Quillish glanced sharply at him.

"Language, Mello."

"_Fuck_ language! I'm pissed off! This is the dumbest thing he could have done!"

"This was L's decision to make and," Quillish said, "I think it's the best option."

"I am _not_ working with Near! Either he's L or I am, but I won't be L _with_ him! On top of that, L retiring is fucking stupid!"

"If L decides he needs to step down, then he does."

"He's only quitting because he's depressed. He'll regret it. I know he will. L doesn't give up. He'll be fine. He just needs some time."

"You sound as though you're trying to convince yourself."

Mello examined his hands for a moment.

"Maybe I am," he whispered. "That doesn't mean I'm wrong. How can he just quit? How does he know we're ready?"

"He wouldn't let you assume the title if he didn't believe you couldn't handle the responsibility," Roger said.

"FUCK!" Mello shouted before storming from the office and making his way to his room.

He kicked his bedroom door with such ferocity the lower hinge broke and Matt actually jumped from his bed, his game forgotten.

"What the hell, Mello?"

Mello glared at the splintered doorframe until he sensed a pair of eyes boring into his skull. He turned slowly to see that ghost, Near, his nemesis, staring at him.

"What do _you_ want?" he snarled.

Near wrapped his finger through a strand of hair before replying. "I take it you've been informed then."

"If you think for one _second_ that I'll _ever_ work with you . . . you'll have more to worry about than the occasional black eye."

Near carefully touched the bruise ringing his left eye.

"I understand," he said and shuffled slowly down the hall. Mello watched him walk away until his eyes focused on another lone figure in the corridor . . . L. Mello narrowed his eyes and made a noise in the back of his throat that Matt swore was a growl.

"Mello."

"L . . . I have nothing to say to you."

"Oh, I imagine you have a great many things to say to me. I know you're disappointed with my decision."

"Disappointed? _Disappointed_? The word isn't even _close_ to what I'm feeling! I can't work with Near, I won't! I'll kill him first."

"That is why you must learn to work with him. You have always had a temper, but your inclination towards violence has increased exponentially since. . ." L couldn't say the words required to finish his sentence.

"Since Light died," Mello said for him.

"Yes."

"Near deserves every beating, after what he said."

"Which was what exactly?"

"He didn't go to the funeral. When I asked him why, he said he refused to mourn Kira."

_So, _L thought, _Near had figured it out. I'd thought as much._

"So you beat him."

"Of course I did!" Mello said, exasperated. "Light may not have been my favorite person, but _you_ loved him. He was no killer. He annoyed the shit out of me, but he wasn't bad."

L was quiet as he looked at Mello. He stuffed one hand into a pocket and placed the other on Mello's shoulder. L bent down to look the boy in the eyes.

"But Mello, Light _was_ Kira," he whispered.

L watched as his eyes grew wide with horror, his skin turning crimson in anger.

"Get the fuck away with me," he said with eerie calmness before he pushed L with enough force to knock him into the opposite wall. He felt tears welling up, but made no effort to suppress them. "You asshole. You _knew_! You knew this whole time! He was Kira? Why? Why was he here? Why wasn't he locked away? L . . . you . . . you're Justice!"

"No, Mello, I'm not. I'm only L."

"Then he deserved it. He deserved to die." Mello turned away and stepped into his room. "He deserved to die and you . . . you deserved to lose him."

L walked away, intent on pushing this moment from his mind. He didn't have the heart to tell Mello that he believed it as well.

That night, Mello disappeared from the house. In less then a month, Matt would follow.

That night, L's dreams began.


	11. Returning Lux

January 12-13, 2006 _nighttime_

There was darkness. He knew his eyes weren't closed, but he couldn't explain the darkness. He registered the sensation of soft, cushiony material underneath him. He knew he was lying on his side and he could move his arms and legs, fingers and toes, but he could not sit up. Any moment now, his eyes would adjust. He kept telling himself that, but he knew this was an impenetrable darkness, the kind you could never see into. Just when he thought he was on the verge of panic, the darkness began to change. A small, glowing, and golden light began to grow and illuminate the area around him. The light entranced and captivated him. He couldn't pull his eyes from it.

He felt something gently moving down his spine, then back up, caressing his shoulder, his waist, his hip. Fingers . . . a hand . . . someone was with him. With him where, he still did not know. Then, lips touched his jaw line, the crook of his neck, and his body visibly relaxed. He hadn't even realized he'd been tense. Softly, barely a whisper, the owner of those lips spoke.

"L. I missed you."

His breath hitched and he couldn't help the shaky exhale or the lone tear that slipped down his cheek.

"Light," he whispered.

"Yes."

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. That doesn't make this any less real. It doesn't mean I'm not truly here."

"I don't want to wake."

"You'll have to, eventually. I don't have a lot of time. We both know how light a sleeper you are."

"Can I see you? I can feel you. I can hear you. I want to see you."

For a brief moment, L registered the absence of touch and then Light was there, before his eyes and bathed in that golden glow. L held his arm out to lay his palm on Light's cheek. Light brought his own hand to cover L's and closed his eyes.

"See? Real." Light smiled. "I came to ask you something, L. What are you doing? Why are you stepping down?"

"Because I need to. If I ever was justice, I am no longer."

"That's not true."

"It is. Simply by bringing you here to live with me, by turning a blind eye to what you had done, I turned my back on justice. I can't be L the detective, the symbol. I can only be L the man."

"L the man isn't doing any better. You almost never leave your room, and when you do, it's only to sit in silence with Ever."

"Have you been watching me?"

"Did you think I wouldn't? You need to snap out of this stupor. Step down if you must, I can't keep you from doing that, but you can't stop living. I need you to live for me."

"I'll try. I won't promise anything."

"You never keep promises anyway."

They lay in the quiet, L barely breathing, lightly tracing the features of the other's face.

"What's it like? Is it what you expected?"

"No, it wasn't," Light said. "I can't really say much about it, there aren't any proper words to describe it. I'm also not allowed to."

"You're actually following rules now?"

Light smiled. "I always followed rules."

"Except the 'don't kill other people' rule."

"Water under the bridge. Besides, I have more to lose now. The two of us are bound more then we ever were."

A bell tolled in the distance. Light looked up quickly and L clutched at his arm.

"I have to go."

"No. Not yet."

"I have to, L. I'll be back. I swear."

"When?"

"I don't know, but soon. Remember, we're bound. I'm by your side always, everyday. So, leave your room more. It's boring me."

L's eyes snapped open, and then quickly closed against the sun that streamed through his window. For the first time in weeks, L didn't cry upon waking. Instead, he smiled.

* * *

February 23, 2006

For the past month, she'd noticed the change. L had ventured from his room almost everyday. He'd seemed . . . happy. She didn't know why and she supposed it didn't matter. Ever and L seemed to be inseparable. When Mello left, Ever didn't even have a chance to feel sad, L had been right there for him, distracting him, playing with him, trying to keep his mind occupied. Alta had been too upset that day to do those things for her son. She had been so grateful to L.

Mello had always been impulsive and headstrong. She'd been expecting him to take off, but the memories of another boy running off into the night had resurfaced, and she'd spent the day after in a sort of foggy haze. Matt had taken it the hardest. She thought she understood what he was going through, until she looked closer. She had simply been missing a friend when Beyond left. Matt was missing much more. He was missing his other half, his heart and soul. She'd known they were close, but _how_ close was only just becoming apparent. During the first week of February, he had knocked on her door.

_"I can't do what Mello did. I can't leave without saying goodbye."_

_"It would have been fine if you had. We would have understood. He needs you."_

_"I need him."_

**

"There you are," Alta said. "I thought I might find you here."

L moved his eyes to glance at her, but said nothing as she sat beside him on the stone bench. She read the words carved on the marble before them.

"It was his birthday today."

"Yes," he said. "It was."

"Birthdays are always difficult."

L couldn't help but feel there was a double meaning in her words, but didn't comment on it.

"That's not why I'm here."

"Why are you here then?"

"Now, he's truly gone and I'll never see him again. He told me . . . last night."

She looked at him, confusion crossing her features. "L, what are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me. At this point in my life, I believe in a lot of things."

L then proceeded to tell her about the nightly visits he'd been receiving. Most of the details he kept to himself, but he did repeat the last of his conversations with Light.

_"L, I have to leave now."_

_"Now? But, there are no bells."_

_"No, not that kind of leaving. This is good-bye."_

_"Good-bye? No," L shook his head. "No, I refuse to say good-bye. Not again."_

_"Neither of us has a choice. I won't be gone long. Just wait. Wait as long as you can and I'll do the same. Don't stumble backwards. No more sadness over me. Focus on Ever. Hell, focus on Alta. I don't care, so long as you focus on something other than me."_

"So, I decided to come here. To think."

"He visited you every night?"

"No," L said. "Not every night."

She looked at his hands, tightly gripping his knees, and sighed.

"L," she said, gently placing her hand on his. "You two were so lucky to have found each other. Most people wait their whole lives for what you had."

"Oddly enough, that doesn't make me feel better."

* * *

July 20, 2018

The past six years had been difficult ones. After years off the map, Mello and Matt had resurfaced. L hadn't been too surprised to learn Mello had joined some sort of mafia organization. Mello working on the other side of the law made perfect sense. L thought of it as Mello's own personal 'fuck you' to Wammy House. It had frustrated Near to no end, being thwarted by the second best at every turn. Not that he had ever shown it, but L could tell. Mello's forte' had been kidnapping. He was quite skilled and always received whatever outrageous ransom he demanded, until a fateful misstep in March of 2012. Matt had played decoy and died in a hail of gunfire. Mello had followed later that night in an explosion. L suspected it had been deliberately set off. Mello quite possibly had felt cornered by the authorities and chose to burn out, rather then fade away.

Near had returned to Wammy House days later and sequestered himself for months. L had resumed his former duties temporarily while Near silently mourned. It was around this time an eleven year old Ever approached L and Alta, expressing his desire to enter law enforcement. Generally speaking, a homicide detective . . . specifically, the position of L.

Alta had been horrified.

L had only nodded.

Four years ago, L had been dealt another blow. His mentor, his caretaker, his father, had passed on. L felt he really should have seen it coming. The man had been eighty-three after all. But, Quillish Wammy had been on of those men that you could never imagine, never _believe_, could die. He'd been full of life and kindness up to the very end, and L would be forever thankful the man's passing was calm and quiet.

L had another problem on his hands now. A big one. He'd received a transmission earlier that day. The words "L is dead" shone from the screen on his phone. He'd known Near had been having trouble with a band of criminals intent on assassinating the great detective. L had known it was worse then he'd previously supposed when Near had sent Ever home earlier in the year. The teen had thrown a spectacular fit, trashed his room before sulking and skulking through the halls, threatening everyone who came his way with a glare and a sinister sentence.

"Wanna know when you'll die?"

His mother overheard him once. She'd never struck her son before, but reflex took over and the palm of her hand met his cheek with enough force to leave an angry red imprint.

"Never again do I want to hear you say that. Is that clear?"

Silence.

"I _said_ is that clear?"

"Crystal, mother, crystal."

Unfortunately, the group had been successful and now the world was once more without an L.

Now, L was sitting in the large office, formerly Roger's, facing an anxious and upset Alta.

"He's dead? Near?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Christ, L! How many more are we going to lose?"

"I don't know."

They sat silently while the severity of the situation dawned on her.

"Ever."

"Yes."

"No. No way, L. He's not old enough. He's not ready."

"He's older than I was. He _is_ ready. There's no one else."

"Why not you? You could do it. At least until he's older."

"No, I can't. I no longer have the stamina _or_ the desire. I lost that long ago. I'm pushing forty, Alta. I stepped aside already. It's no longer something I should do. You knew this day was coming. It's what he's been working for. It's his goal. He wants to become what his father could not. Are you going to be the one to take that from him?"

She looked away from him. "No. No, I'm not."

* * *

November 5, 2021

Just over a year ago, L had approached her with what he'd called a "science experiment of sorts."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm quite serious."

"Don't you think we're both a bit old for this?"

"No, not yet. We both very soon will be and I see no reason to put it off. There's really no other way this could be possible for me and I trust you."

"Let me think about it," she'd said.

She had eventually agreed, and after many failed attempts, an insemination had been successful. She'd figured after all the gains and losses they'd been through, gifting L with a child was something worth doing. Seeing L now, cradling his infant daughter, she knew she'd made the right decision.

"What are you going to name her, L?"

"Shouldn't we both decide?"

"No. She's more yours than mine. I did you a favor. I'm just the egg donor, the surrogate. You name her."

"You're not just a donor."

L smiled as a tiny hand curled around his finger.

"Veritas", he said. "Veritas Light Lawliet."

* * *

May 1, 2026

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

L heard the scream in the hall, very loud and getting closer. He sighed and removed his reading glasses. He rubbed his temple, two thoughts flitting through his mind _I'm getting too old for this_, and _getting old sucks_. He'd been waist deep in paperwork and had just started to feel like he'd made a dent. Alta had signed off on a new tutor for the children and he would arrive later this evening. He hated when she did those things without informing him.

In all honesty, he truly detested administrative work. He'd always looked down on Roger. Now, after many years, he had come to fully appreciate what the man had done to keep the school running.

The door slamming open caused him to look up. There, disheveled and panting, a brush tangled in her hair, was his over-active and very loud, pride and joy.

"What seems to be the emergency of the second, Veri?"

"The . . . the brush . . . daddy. I tried to . . . do it . . . myself. It's . . . it's . . . stuck!" The distraught four year old burst into tears and attempted to pull the tangled mess from her head.

L rose slowly from his chair and sauntered over to her.

"Don't pull. It will only get worse." He then began the arduous process of disentangling plastic and bristles from hair. After many minutes, the brush was free, the hair tangle-less and bound in a long braid down her back. He turned the still sniffling girl around.

"Tell me, why not ask your mother to brush your hair?"

"Because I'm a big girl and she hurts my head sometimes."

"I see. Instead of tangling yourself with a brush, how about you ask someone first?"

"But, I'm a big girl!"

"Yes, you are. But, even big girls need help. Now, I want you to run along and play for awhile. I have a lot to do today. Ever is back home. Why don't you hunt him down?"

Veritas gave a high pitched squeal of joy that only a small child can produce. She turned and fled the room, bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor, long black hair already freeing itself from the confines of her braid.

L shook his head as she ran. _Must be genetic_, he thought.

**

A lone figure stood outside the gates of Wammy House. He'd been waiting forever to come here. He thought he'd feel more nervous. _Who are you kidding?_ He thought to himself. _You're scared as hell._ He peered through the heavy iron bars and noticed a small girl, crouched on the ground poking at an insect with a stick, her thumb firmly planted in her mouth.

"Hello? Excuse me?" he said trying to gain her attention.

She looked up at him and frowned.

"Are you supposed to be here?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm supposed to see a Mr. Lawliet. I'm the new tutor."

"Oh, mother told me to let you in if you showed up." She scrambled off the ground and reached toward an electronic keypad, pushing a large number sequence before backing away from the swinging gate. He walked through, starting a bit when they clanged shut once more behind him. The girl kept her large grey eyes trained on him as he made his way into the building.

He left his bag just inside the door and made his way to the opposite end of the school. He was surprised he knew exactly where he was going. It had been so long, he'd thought he might have forgotten. But, he'd walked these halls so often in his sleep, in his memory.

He crossed the grounds and made his way to a small gated area. There, on a small bench sat the one he was looking for. He moved as quietly as he could, pausing for a moment to drink in the site. Unkempt hair, white shirt, blue jeans, no shoes. He was almost completely unchanged. Older, yes, but still the same. He crept up behind the man and looked at the stone the other was gazing at. He paled slightly. He should have expected it.

He leaned down behind the sitting figure and whispered, "I thought I told you not to do this. How often do you visit me here?"

L stiffened. That voice . . . he knew that voice. It was a voice he thought he'd never hear again. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to turn his head, didn't want to be disappointed. He knew he had to. Slowly, so slowly and carefully, he moved his head. There stood a young man, a young man whose face he knew. A face he would never have been able to forget.

"Light?"

"I told you I would be back. I'm sorry it took so long to get to you."

* * *

A/N: God…I'm scared stiff about Veritas. I mean, the story's almost done and people didn't seem to have a problem with Ever but, I feel I'm really pushing it with the OC's. Part of me really feels like this could be an ending, but we'll see. I mean, doesn't it feel like an ending to you? Hmmm, oh well. Anywho…for anyone who wants to know and doesn't, Veritas is latin for Truth. I was going to go with latin for Justice, but that was Aequitas and even I thought that was a bit much for a ridiculous name. But, the irony of having justice and light in the same name…yeah, I was tempted for about 2.5. But, Veritas won…because it's 1) my favorite word in the whole world (cause I'm a nerd like that, with my favorite words.) and 2) Veritas shortened made Veri and I thought it was a cute nickname for a kid (cause I'm a dork like _that_) Also, I just wanted something good to happen to L on Guy Fawkes' Day, instead of his standard canon death...and babies are good...right? Plus, I managed to get him a kid withought having to do the nasty with a girl OR have an mpreg situation. And that makes me happy XD I hope you all enjoy the latest chapter. I'm still fairly certain I've got at least one more left in me.


	12. There and Back Again

May 1, 2026

L hadn't moved. He couldn't. He felt as though his entire being were encased in stone. He wondered if this was what a statue felt like.

"L?" the stranger with another's face asked. He appeared to be worried. _Why would a stranger be worried about me? _L thought.

"L, say something, please."

L felt his muscles relaxing and he blinked slowly.

"I'm hallucinating. I've finally gone utterly and completely _mad_."

"If you had, you wouldn't say you were. You wouldn't think you were. I'm not a hallucination. See?" he grasped L's hand and placed it against his cheek. "Real."

L's fingers curled reflexively around the few stray hairs he touched. It felt the same. He raised his eyes up to that familiar face. Lips, cheeks, nose, all the same. His eyes were-

"You're eyes. They're-"

"Different. I know. It took me awhile to get used to them as well."

L placed his other hand on the other cheek, pulling the other to him, foreheads touching.

"How? How is this possible? You're dead. You're not supposed to come back from death."

"I don't really know myself," the new Light said. "I don't remember much of the time I was dead. I remember being with you and promising to come back. I remember being told by _something_ that I was getting a second chance. I never forgot you. I never forgot who I was or what I was. I remember my life before. I knew I had to find you and since I was born once more, I've spent my life waiting to return to you."

Light pulled away slightly and L lifted his face to search those strange new eyes. Light seemed to sense the question in L's gaze.

"I promise, I'll tell you whatever I can, but now, please L, just kiss me."

L's eyes moved to those rosy lips, leaned toward them and paused. He hadn't kissed anyone intimately in years. What if this really wasn't him? What if he'd forgotten how? What if he wasn't good anymore? What if it _really wasn't him?_

"I swear L. I swear it's really me." He sounded almost desperate. The tone, the timbre, the inflection, it was all the same. He remembered other moments of desperation.

_"The 13 day rule is false."_

_"I'm Kira."_

_"I love you"_

_"I hear the bells too."_

L grabbed the front of Light's shirt, pulling him roughly forward. Lips met and crashed together, tongues stroking tongues, stroking teeth. They were drowning in each others' touch, each others' scent. L registered wetness on his cheek. How was it that Light could cry, but he could not? He wanted to. He felt he almost could, but what he felt seemed to be beyond tears. He was so overwhelmed by how familiar it all was. The taste, the texture, nothing had changed.

When they broke away, breathing heavily, Light buried his head against L's chest. L held him, stroking the back of his neck, kissing his hair.

"It is you. It is you." These three words became a whispered chant, uttered between soft kisses.

"I told you," Light whispered back.

_Nothing,_ L thought, _could make this moment any less perfect, any less hap-_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

L sighed. He'd obviously thought too soon. Light had jumped, eyes wide.

"What in the _world_ was _that_?"

L smiled. "A lot has changed since you've been gone."

**

L looked down at two very scruffy, repentant appearing girls. It was patently obvious to L though, that one of those little girls wasn't the least bit remorseful. He watched Veritas struggling to suppress a decidedly evil grin while she traced the pattern of the hardwood floor in the main hall.

"What exactly were you two thinking?"

"I was bored. The bugs were boring and Rain said she'd play with me. Playing barbershop was all _her_ idea," Veritas shouted.

"Nu-Uh! It was hers! She didn't want to brush her hair anymore!"

"Liar!"

"Was so!"

"That's enough!" L shouted. The girls instantly quieted. "You," he pointed to Veritas, "are to wait in my room so I can fix that hack job. And you," this was directed to Rain, "will go to your room and I'll send Miss Alta."

Rain's face paled. "No, not Miss Alta."

"Yes, Miss Alta."

Veritas smirked.

"Don't think you're not going to have to deal with her as well."

Veritas's face fell and she stomped her way upstairs.

L shook his head slowly and looked at the long braid of hair he held in his hand. Rain had chopped off most of Veritas's hair. Rain had fared much better with only a shoulder length cut.

Those two were pure trouble together.

"Her mother is not going to be happy," L muttered

"Her mother? Which ones mother? I thought there were only orphans that lived here."

"We have made exceptions here and there. But, yes, Veritas's mother. Alta."

"Alta? She had another child?" Light was quiet a moment. "Now that I think about it, she does look like her."

"Yes, but she has her father's eyes," L said with a crooked smile. He looked at Light and watched as realization dawned. He knew this was not the proper way to let him know, but even after all these years, he still was finding it satisfying to mess with the boy.

"Her father's . . . that little troublemaker is _yours_?"

"Very much so."

"With Alta? You and Alta? You?" Light felt his knees shake and he slid slowly down the wall. "I don't feel well."

His position on the floor brought something else to his attention. A thick silver band around one of the fingers of L's left hand. He looked back up to L.

"And you're married? A baby and a . . . I can't breathe."

All this time, all this talk of second chances, all the waiting, it had been for nothing. He'd somehow lost his chance and L had moved on.

"Light," L said softly as he crouched next to the distraught man. It sent a small thrill through his soul to be able to say the name once again to the actual person it belonged to. "I'm not married. Yes, I had a child with Alta, but not in the conventional way. It was more of a favor she did for me. She was, and is still, only a friend. We just happen to have raised two children with each other's assistance."

"But, the ring," Light said.

L pulled the band from his finger and placed it in Light's palm. Light examined the simple silver band, most likely made of platinum. The only decoration on it was a small jet colored kanji symbol. Moon.

"Oh," Light breathed.

"I had one for you. I'd meant to give it to you before you, well, before."

Light nodded and returned the ring to L.

"I wish I had given it to you," L said.

"You did give it to me though, didn't you? After I was gone?"

"Yes, but I should have . . . It wasn't the same."

"It had an L on it, didn't it?"

"Yes."

"That would explain this." Light held up his left hand, knuckles forward. There, below the second joint on his ring finger was a small birthmark, a gothic type L.

L grasped Light's hand and ran his fingers over the letter. "I'm happy you received this."

"I am too," Light sighed. "I'm so embarrassed. I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I don't do that very often."

"Modest and humble as always, Light."

**

Nothing but the sound of scissors and the occasional sniffle could be heard in the room. Light had been a bit surprised at the girl's level of remorse. He was surprised because Veritas didn't act as though she was sorry at all. She was definitely sorry she was caught. She was not sorry she had butchered her hair and her friend's. She honestly didn't seem to care if the other girl was punished because of her own scheme. She certainly didn't care about the state of her appearance. _Must be genetic,_ Light thought.

She started to cave once L began taking away the things she loved. Books, wagons, various toys and games, all taken away. As far as Light could tell, she'd been grounded for, well, forever, and on top of that she still had her mother to contend with. After having been told her mother was still going to be informed, the tears and begging and pleas for forgiveness had started. L had remained firm in his decision.

"Can't _you_ do anything?" she asked, looking hopefully at Light.

"I'm afraid not. I'm still pretty new here."

"Then what good are you?"

"Veritas, that isn't polite," L said mid-snip.

"I don't care. I don't want to be polite. It's stupid."

L couldn't help but silently agree. He sat the scissors down and brushed away the stray hairs still clinging to her face and neck. Light tried to stifle a small chuckle. Veritas narrowed her eyes and scowled at the stranger.

"What?" L asked.

"You both have the same haircut only hers is shorter."

Veritas's scowl burst into a grin.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really."

"You need to go and wait in your room now," L said.

She frowned once more before another grin replaced it.

"I am the great L and I shall face the enemy without fear!" she shouted as she darted from the room.

"Don't call your mother the enemy," L called after her.

"She must be quite a handful," Light said with a smirk as he watched L close the door.

"That she is. Also exhausting."

L turned his back to the door and leaned against it for a moment. He held Light in his unblinking gaze. L watching Light, Light watching L, neither moving, both aching to do so.

L nodded once, almost imperceptivity, as if coming to a decision about something, and swiftly crossed the space between them. He held Light, so tightly he feared the other couldn't breathe, but Light made no protests. He only held him in kind.

"What do we do now?" Light whispered. L pulled away to look once more at the others' face

"I don't know," L said. "You're strange and familiar and I just don't know. I don't even know if we could, if we _should_." L brought his hand to Light's face, tracing the angle of his jaw. "You're still beautiful and young," he whispered. "And I'm still not."

"You are," Light said. "You always have been." He placed his hand over L's and softly kissed the delicate fingertips. "Just let me stay. Even if this is the last time you'll ever touch me for the rest of my life, don't make me leave. Let me be here, with you."

L wasn't sure if it was the pleading tone of Light's voice, or the gentle kisses that followed, but he was sure of one thing. Nothing, _nothing_, was going to separate him from Light, in any form.

* * *

May 2, 2026

The night had been illuminating. L had learned many things about Light and, oddly enough himself. He'd been concerned about, among other things, the age difference now between them. He was, after all, pushing fifty, while Light was still twenty. After making Light scream his name and beg for more, harder, faster, their ages didn't seem to matter so much anymore.

Later, basking in the afterglow, Light had told L a little about his life. This time around, Light had been born the illegitimate song of an American or European businessman. His mother wasn't really sure, and at the time of her whirlwind illicit romance, hadn't bothered asking her lover's nationality.

"But, he must be why my eyes are like this," Light had said.

"I can honestly say I've never seen this particular color combination in my life," L had replied. "It's a bit unnerving."

"It took me awhile to get used to it too. My memories are of brown eyes staring back at me from a mirror, not blue and green. I thought at first they may have been due to a shinigami having some sort of fun or maybe because I had been Kira. But, now, I'm pretty sure it's just something I inherited genetically from my new father."

L had also been surprised to learn Light was still associated with his former family.

"I'm sort of related to myself," he'd said with a laugh.

Sachiko had a younger sister who'd had a daughter close in age with Light, one Noriko. Twenty years ago, Noriko had become pregnant and was turned out of the house. Since then, she had worked and supported herself and young son on her own.

"She's taken me to visit them, you know. My other family. My moth- Sachiko . . . she cried when she first saw me. I think Soichiro did too, but he left the room, so I can't be sure. He's not very happy with me at the moment though."

"Why is that?"

Light smiled slightly. "He didn't want me to come to England. It almost seemed as though he knew you were here."

"He does."

"_Where is my son buried?"_

_"In England."_

_"Why England?"_

_"It is where I reside. I couldn't send him away, back to Japan. I needed him to remain close to me."_

_"He should have been sent home."_

_"It wasn't your decision to make. You forfeited that right when you turned your back on him."_

But now, a new day was dawning. L watched the sky slip from blues and purples into reds, orange, and gold. L hated to think in clichéd terms, but it really did feel like the first day of the rest of his life. L watched as Light slowly opened his eyes and blinked the sleep away. Light's soft smile made L smile in return.

"Good morning, Light."

Light sat up slowly and gently kissed L's lips.

"Do you still not sleep?" he whispered.

"I sleep more than I used to, but I still suffer from insomnia."

"I doubt you suffer from it," Light said smiling.

Dawn creeping in, shafts of sunlight dotting the room, a soft bed, a warm lover, it was almost too idyllic. L knew idyllic, L, and Light were three words that didn't belong together in a sentence, so he was determined to enjoy it. Besides, it was nearly five-thirty, almost time for what L affectionately referred to as "The Wammy House Alarm Clock."

For now though, he was simply enjoying the kisses.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The sound echoed through the halls of the building and made Light jump.

"Are you serious?" he asked, wide-eyed.

"I'm afraid so."

The sound continued.

"My God. Doesn't she _breathe_?"

* * *

The years passed by, as years so often do. Many were spent happily, some were not.

Alta remained at Wammy House for many years, teaching and frightening genius children in equal parts and watching her own children grow.

Ever continued on as L for many years. He had the distinction of holding the title for the longest amount of time, until one day, betrayed by a lover; he met the same fate of so many Ls before him.

Veritas, thanks to the influence of Light, eventually stopped her morning scream fest. She hadn't taken to Light initially, but within a year of meeting him, began calling him 'Papa Light'. Light had suggested the Japanese equivalent of father instead, but she had deemed it a stupid word and refused to call him anything else. And, while her stubbornness always remained, her mischief making did ease up. Over the years, she realized how lucky she was to have a mother, two fathers, and a brother while surrounded by other children who had no one.

Twenty-five years after Light came back to him, L knew it was his turn to say goodbye. He'd felt off for quite some while and a chance encounter with Ever had cemented his hunch into a reality.

"How long, Ever?"

"I don't . . ."

"Don't feed me that crap about how you don't like telling. How long? I don't want to be taken by surprise. Give me time for my goodbyes."

So, Ever told him. L thought surely he must be mistaken, it couldn't possibly be as soon as all that. But, the next morning when he couldn't even summon the strength to leave the bed, he knew Ever had been right.

Light never left his side. When L suggested Light leave and go about his day, Light refused.

"Why not? There must be a million other things you should be doing."

"Let's just say it's a favor I owe you."

L smiled slightly and brushed his fingers through soft brown hair.

"My enemy, my friend, my suspect, my lover, my other self," he whispered while gently kissing Light's face. "My Light."

L, once the top three detectives in the world, father of one, foster father to many, quirky genius, Kira's antagonist and lover, and Justice personified, slipped away into eternity while being held in the arms of the one man who truly loved and understood him.

* * *

**Epilouge**

A grotesque shinigami munched on a sandy apple while peering into the portal to the human realm with another.

"Was it worth it, then?"

"Yes, Ryuk, it was."

"You realize most of us up here would give our right eye to be able to live once more. Well, those of us with eyes anyway. It would be more interesting than this."

"I find being a shinigami rather interesting, Ryuk."

"Maybe so, but still . . . you gave up your only chance to Light. Not that it matters to me or anything. Plus, Light is an interesting human. He would have made an excellent shinigami."

"I'm sure he would have." The shinigami sighed. "Being dead changed things for me. Besides, L needed him more than ever or Alta could have ever needed me. If I had gone back again all I would have done was cause harm. While harming L is still something I rather don't care about, harm to my son would have been inexcusable."

"How noble of you, Beyond."

Beyond pulled his gaze from the portal to give Ryuk a toothy grin.

"I've never been noble before."

"You're a strange one, you are."

"So I've been told." He looked once again to the portal. "This was how it should have been and I regret . . . almost nothing."

* * *

A/N: Well, that's all she wrote. I hope this last chapter didn't feel like filler or was boring and unsatisfying. And thank you to everyone who read this. Don't you feel special? You should. You just finished reading the first thing I've ever finished writing in about ten years XD. Yay! Thank you so very very much :3 Also, thank you to shido burrito for beta-ing the first part of this chapter. (sorry I got impatient and didn't send you the rest. I suck like that XD)


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